After You Put Down the Pen

Writers, every second of every day you make choices that either contribute to the survival of your main characters or decisions that slowly deteriorate them. Bet you’ve never thought about it this way before. How you live your life—what you do after you put down the pen has great implications for what plays out on the page. Another way to frame this is to consider the most effective ways to avoid the proverbial writer’s block.

Here are ten things you can do to ensure you are giving you’re all when you create your characters and draft that future bestselling novel.

Step Away from Social Media Wars

They will suck you in, toy with your emotions, tempt you to comment, then delete, then comment again. Don’t be persuaded or seduced by these Twitter rants, the Facebook vents, and the article comments that rouse your impulses. Your time is far better spent nailing down your main character’s greatest fear. Or contemplating their weak spots in order to create that perfect ending.

Go to Bed

Umpteen thousand studies have proven the benefits of a good night’s sleep. This spills over to who we write. Our characters thrive when we thrive. They chase the rabbit down that trail when we’re going on two hours of sleep, blinking to stay awake as the screen blurs in front of us. Sleep. It does a body and characters good.

Pour Water on Negative Thoughts

Negativity. Lies. Complaints. When it comes to writing, negativity in us can transform quickly into nesting dolls. Our yucky thoughts become our main character’s messed up thoughts, which may not adequately represent them. Work hard not to let negative thinking get out of hand. Like the Wicked Witch, throw a bucket of water on them and melt those suckers to the ground.

Don’t Compare Their Green Grass to Your Brittle Brown

Comparison has a way of stifling creativity like nothing else. Don’t entertain trap thoughts. They got a four book deal. They won an award. They got an agent. They write six books a year. Blah. Blah. Blah. Every writer is tackling their career with a unique slant. Joys and hardships come to us all. By the way, your grass isn’t brittle brown. It’s wheat and it’s beautiful.

Remain Engaged

I get it, this world can be pretty overwhelming at times. I watched a documentary last night that had the potential to slay me for a week. Here’s the thing, we need to tap out every so often. To recharge and forget the world for a while. But then come back and invest in conversation. Listen to dialogue out in public. Ask questions. This will bleed over into the lives of your characters, adding a more authentic voice to your work.

Reflect and Hold Yourself Accountable

The more self-aware you are, the better you’ll be able to understand what’s going on with your main character. Why are they so amped up, and how does it relate to something you’ve been struggling with? Limit the things in your life that drag you down, that squelch your creativity. Be ruthlessly honest for the sake of your MC’s survival.

Study Up on Psychology

Psychology is gold for any writer. Because it opens up the world of motivation and weakness and temptation and hope and loss. Understanding the whys behind actions and emotions for existing people will do wonders to help your characters exist.

Create a Soundtrack

Oh, music. It feeds the soul. Coordinate a list of songs that encapsulate your novel, the arc of growth your character goes through. Have fun with this one.

Read a Book Your Character Would Enjoy (Research)

Invest in what your characters are interested in. Writing a comp to Silence of the Lambs? Buy a book on butterflies. Main character is a teenager? Get excited about reading YA. Expand your horizon by sharing a vested interest with your character. Never know what you’ll learn.

Let Your Imagination Go Wild

Things can feel limiting when we’re unknowingly placing restrictions on ourselves. There is no one right way to go about crafting a book or fleshing out a main character. Step out of the box on this one. Dress up. Act out scenes. Attend a renaissance festival as your character. Beatbox with the best of them. Write a letter to all your secondary characters in the voice of your MC. Get in the car with no destination in mind and see where your MC takes you. We only limit ourselves. The potential is out there. We just need to remain open to finding it.

Writer’s block can be short-lived or nonexistent. We have tools and resources already available to us. Our characters are depending on our ability to be resourceful. To uncap the nesting dolls of negativity, to sleep, and to sing a new song at the top of our lungs.

Our books and main characters could become so much more if we would only get out of our own way, and give them the space and freedom to do so.

*be back next Monday, March 18th

10 Things Anyone Can Benefit from Doing this Holiday Season

It’s a mad-rush time of year. Lines are long. Tempers flare short. Traffic stresses. To-do lists feel endless. These are the best times to keep perspective—to focus on the things that matter most.

I’m throwing out a few ideas that help me to stay centered and spirited during the holidays.

Hope they help you.

10 Things Sure to Benefit ~

Let Go of a Grudge

Aunt Mabel forget to include you on the holiday Christmas card. Nephew Troy didn’t invite you to the big event. Yep, you were hurt. You still are. You have every right to that hurt. You also have every right to let it go. Now’s the perfect time. Let that hurt solidify rock-solid inside you or witness the change in your attitude and countenance after you choose to let it disintegrate.

Get Outside

I walk my youngest to the bus every morning. It’s not a long walk, but it does take about five minutes. And every morning I’m grateful I go. I have no idea if she even wants me there anymore, but aside from giving us a few moments alone together, it feels good to move. I’m also in love with the stars I see when I look up.

Take a Break from Social Media

But then you wouldn’t be able to read this. So? I’d rather you reboot and spend a good chunk of time away from “liking” and binge-reading recipes you’ll never try. We’re losing something in our culture by spending so much time online. Take a piece of it back. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.

Reflect with a Grateful Mindset

What went well this year? Who were you most thankful for? What new and impactful interactions did you have? Have you changed for the better?

Write a Handwritten Letter

Lost art. I know it. You know it. Imagine what a surprise it will be for someone to open their mail and read actual handwriting. Think of the things you could express.

Make a Christmas Gift for Someone

Maybe I’m hinting on this one. I’m a real sucker for homemade gifts. I could spend all day on Etsy (see point above about a social media break). There’s a real opportunity to tap into some creative juices when you don’t throw a credit card at everything. Resources are everywhere (says the woman who keeps painting on drywall she keeps finding in her basement).

Ask What Kind of Impact You’re Making

Through your language, how often you volunteer, the way your children look at you when you’re talking, how often people look to you for support…what has been your role for making this world different than it currently is?

Try Something New

Studies have proven when you launch into learning something new you unlock potential in other areas of your brain. A new recipe. Language. Subject. I kid you not, I’ve been learning a great deal while watching Narcos with my husband. Laugh all you want, but it’s inspired a lot of conversations between us.

Set a Goal & Stick to It

I happened to catch a show the other day when famous comedian, Tiffany Haddish said a fellow actor nudged her in the life-changing direction when he gave her money at a time she needed it and insisted she create a list of goals. There’s something to be said for direction. Motivation. Accountability. I also wanted to mention her because I love that she’s a unicorn on the cover of her book, THE LAST BLACK UNICORN. (Want to read.)

Make Peppermint Crack

My husband says we probably shouldn’t call it this, but I can’t help it. It’s so much fun to say. Think graham crackers, melted chocolate, sprinkled with peppermint candy. Look it up. You’ll thank me later.

Happy Holidays!

Look Closely

See the faces in this picture? These are a few of my book club peeps and hear me when I say these women help make my world go round. Also, I’d like to mention in these tumultuous times, that in our group of twelve, there are at least six faiths represented. Did we plan to establish a religiously diverse book club? No. It just worked out that way and I’m that much more enlightened because it did. I can’t tell you how happily my brain buzzes after an invigorating book discussion with these women. I find I’m often challenged, though not threatened in my own faith. Because I firmly believe only that which rests on a weak foundation is threatened by the differences of others.

I’ve wrestled for weeks about how vocal to be about what’s happening in our country and I keep coming back to my actions—people will pay attention to how I’m living more than what I’m saying. So read this. But I also invite you to observe how I act online and in person. Hold me accountable. (Don’t vent or spew…but if you see me doing wrong to another human being, excluding, or being hateful, you are welcome to come to me and confront me about it. I believe in being open to change. And I’m certainly humble enough to know I screw up on a daily basis.)

Back to my peeps though for a second. I love God. He’s been good to me and changed my life in countless ways. I want others to know that love. However, I’m also really curious to hear about how others are living their lives. I appreciate listening to what motivates and drives them, what rituals and traditions they may espouse to, learning about their unique faith. Here’s a real kicker…the women in my book club have various political leanings as well. Would we choose to shut someone out, to oust them, if they opposed our viewpoint? No. That’s not who we are. Instead, if I may say so, I think most of us feel that someone who doesn’t share our same views actually has the ability to edify us if we’re only willing to hear them.

That’s just it.

It starts with us. We need to be willing. We need to let others in. To cut the fear. To stay accountable. To remain open and nonjudgmental.

And we need to look closely at our own behavior before we try to convince anyone else of anything. 

Voice Lessons

2016 is the year of the voice. My voice. Choosing to use it. And not to use it.

Every New Year I find I become reflective about what I want to focus on, and as the calendar pushed us into 2016, I kept coming back to voice. Writers love this word. At least I do. There’s this elusive wonder attached to a writer’s voice. I’m reading an author with an extremely strong writing voice right now. I’m halfway through Gillian Flynn’s DARK PLACES. And whether or not you find her stories twisted and her premises disturbing, it would be hard to argue that she lacks voice. There’s no mistaking when I’ve picked up one of her books.

So, yes, obviously I want to continue to strengthen my writing voice.

But…

I’m also going to be intentional about something else voice-related.

When not to use my voice.

In this era of share-all to be-all, I’ve grown quiet fascinated with getting quieter. Studying some of my wisest mentors and people who’ve earned my respect, I tend to notice a familiar thread. They don’t share every little opinion. They don’t always feel they need to argue. They aren’t fighting to be heard.

Because they’re focusing on something revolutionary. My mentors concentrate on listening, and they know how to discern whether what they choose to share will bring value to a moment or just muddy it up.

The world is already mud-saturated. And I happen to believe all of the oversharing contributes to many things we haven’t even felt the repercussions of yet. Like entitlement, the false ideology we are always in the know or that we’re always right. I think it invites stress and prompts unnecessary arguments. It makes some appear foolish, desperate, and in love with shock value. It offers the false assumption words are enough when action is far better.

Hear me clearly on this. There is a time and place to rise up, to let my words and my views find their way out in the world. But there’s much to be said about taking a moment to ascertain when I’ve encounter that time and that place.

Until then, I’ll be observing all of it. And making up my own mind.

Who Would You Want with You?

One week until Pub Date!

I’m so excited for you to read The Short & Sincere Life of Ellory James.

Over the course of the next few weeks I’m going to be asking you TEN bucket list questions.

Curious what your answers are!

Here are the first two…

Feel free to share these to help me stir up interest in my soon-to-release novella!

Creativity Stealers

Restructuring around here. I’m back to posting on Mondays & Wednesdays.

Mondays I’ll focus on the Business of Creating.

Wednesdays will be all about The Love of the Craft (specific writing-related posts).

“The beginning is always today.” Mary Shelley

 

Creativity Stealers

Ever noticed how at the moment you are most inspired something is sure to swoop in and rob you of your thoughts—your focus?

Today I’m calling out several of the most annoying creativity stealers and providing ways for you to take your imagination back.

Drama Queens

Everything is a crisis. And guess who wants you to hear all about it? The drama queen in your life. Be mindful of how much time you spend investing in someone who has made a nice habit of stirring up storms and soaking others in the process.

Disorganization

Clutter. Lost lists. Forgotten appointments. Misplaced goals. My desk often looks like someone tossed my notes up in the air and let them fall wherever they wanted. I’m always thankful when I spend a few minutes before setting to work to take a moment to straighten and reorder my physical world. It has an uncanny way of translating to my creative mindset.

Black Hole of Social Media

Pretty sure this one needs no further explanation. Best solution for me is to set time limits, take social media breaks every so often, and to prioritize the value of each site and where I’m investing my time.

Lack of or Unclear Goal

Ever walk into another room and forget why you went in there? Of course you have. You’re human. This is what it feels like to start the day without taking a moment to figure out what you’re hoping to accomplish. At the very least, once a month write a handful of goals. I’ve benefited from sketching out brief lists like this every morning. It’s not about crossing every item off as much as it is about having your goals in writing.

Working Without Rewards

End of a long day you want to put your feet up, right? What’s the equivalent to that for someone who’s been diligent about being effectively creative? Treat yourself with more creative fun. Sign up for the Color Run. Kids turn to cook (breakfast sounds great). Or, I love to get inventive with recipes. How about a nature walk through neighboring woods? Get specific. What screams great job, way to stay focused to you? An hour to yourself (bathroom doesn’t count)? Nibbling the ear off that chocolate bunny? That new journal with the yellow bird on the cover? Yep, been there, bought that.

Can you think of any creativity stealers I haven’t mentioned? And how do you curtail them?

Turn Noise into Messages with Purpose

Restructuring around here. I’m back to posting on Mondays & Wednesdays.

Mondays I’ll focus on the Business of Creating.

Wednesdays will be all about The Love of the Craft (specific writing-related posts).

“The beginning is always today.” Mary Shelley

 

Turn Noise into Messages with Purpose

I don’t need to tell you how noisy it is out there. We’re bombarded. With sales pitches. Propaganda. INFORMATION.

If you have a message you’re hoping will reach people, then listen up. You need to be intentional about the noise you create. Turn the noise into messages with purpose.

We could learn a thing or two from dolphins. “Echolocation works by creating high or low-pitched sounds and measuring the time it takes those sounds to bounce off of nearby objects and back to the host. By using echolocation dolphins can determine how far an object is, what direction it is traveling in, if it is above or below them, how large it is and whether it is a dense or hollow object.”

We need to become echo-locators. Our goal is to find our audience, right? Dolphins are wise to measure. Each click and pulse they make is deliberate. Their noises contribute to an imperative part of their survival skills. Essentially, dolphins are locating what might be valuable to them under water. Or even what could present itself as a threat.

3 Questions to Consider

·         Does what I’m communicating serve any purpose? Are people gaining anything from this or discovering more about who I authentically am?

·         Has this been said a million times before? Put another way, am I contributing anything fresh or new to this topic?

·         Is all this noise I’m making distracting me from investing in something more meaningful/valuable?

 

It took a lot of restraint to not title this post Turn Noise into Messages with Porpoise. ;-)

*reference article

#DelicateLove Giveaway

Shaking it up around here. I’m not asking you to do the usual tweeting, facebooking, yodeling from the mountaintops about my latest novel, THE DELICATE NATURE OF LOVE for a chance to win a super cool giveaway.

Instead, I’m asking you to dig deep—to remember a time in your life when someone’s influence on you made a permanent impact.

 

I want you to capture the impression this person had on you in a very specific and creative way via social media. To create a mini-dedication.

A few “rules” to win:

1.  Keep it brief. The goal is to evoke emotion in as few words as possible—to help us to understand why you’re changed because of this person. Be imaginative.

2.  You must add #delicatelove wherever you decide to post.

3.  You need to attach my cover somewhere to your story. If you’d like and if room allows, you’re welcome to provide a more detailed explanation for what you’ve written/come up with.

 

Four Places to list your mini #delicatelove gratitude reflections à

In the comments of this post

On Facebook (make sure to include a picture of my cover, #delicatelove & try to tag me if at all possible—at the very least notify me that you’ve posted something to enter)

On Twitter

On Pinterest

 

I will compile responses on March 17th, and then consult a select group of trustworthy folk to let me know which story moved them the most. When I get a unanimous vote, I’ll announce the winner here on March 18, 2015.

Hear that? You have two weeks to creatively express a mini-dedication to the person who changed your life forever...for a chance to win the #delicatelove giveaway.

Have at it!

You’re all considered winners in my book (especially those dedicated to inspiring others)!

 

 

*Heads up, I might repost, retweet, or recycle what you’ve written if it moves me. Keep this in mind if what you’re creating is more of a private reflection.

**If you see me posting, it’s not to win. Only having fun with the contest myself & hoping to provide examples.

Staying True to Yourself Online

I’ve got it. A two-headed turtle. That’s the image that comes to mind when I think about the divide I

sometimes feel between my offline self and my online persona. Every time I click online I hope to convey an aspect of who I am—to offer a sliver of authentic self. However, I struggle with the whole “be real, but not too real, be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable” advice. I don’t want to walk a fine line when it comes to communicating with my readers or friends online. The last thing I want is to be two-faced. Though, I’ll blatantly confess, more times than not I end up feeling like a two-headed turtle.

Newsflash: A turtle is only supposed to have one head.

I’ve maintained a healthy blog since 2009, joined Facebook not long after, Twitter a few years later, followed by Pinterest. You could say I’ve been making the rounds. This whole concept of keeping my head has gotten more interesting with the recent release of my book. Whenever I begin to feel the unnatural sprouting of a second cranium (or sense I’m straying from being entirely true to myself online) I pull back. I evaluate what’s going on. And I take heed to the following.

Things I tell myself in hopes to restore my head:

Don’t Follow a Set of Rules

There is no set way of how one should act online. I’ve read lists. I’ve laughed at lists. One list said not to thank people for things on Facebook because it would come across as a desperate plea for attention. Yeah, that’s a solution…shirk gratitude. See where that gets you.

Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

That one review, Facebook like, repin, retweet, etc. isn’t going to be the remedy to all your problems. There will still be problems tomorrow or the next day. Banking on someone to come through in a specific way is unhealthy. It places far too much control in another’s hands.

Take Social Media Breaks

A week. A month. However long, hiatuses are fantastic for restoration, refocusing, and a refined vision.

Recognize the Comparison Trap

This is that big fat net that dangles over every social media site. Numbers. Visits. Attention. Blah, blah, blah. It’ll snap you up faster than the clamped jaw of a snapping turtle. Head one and head two.

Careful Not to Puff Up or Deflate

Your worth can’t be found online or offline for that matter. There’ll be times you’ll be tempted to think you are a big shot. Don’t. There’ll be times you’ll be tempted to go eat fried worms. Hey, try it if you want, but I’m advising against it.

Don’t Ruin Face Time

Years from now, research will reveal the unsettling influence of HBS (head bent) syndrome (and yes, I just made that up). Checking texts. Tweeting at dinner. Align yourself with Jim Elliot’s advice, “Wherever you are, be all there.”

Gauge Your Moods

Kids on your case all day? Husband calls says he’s going to be hours late and he forgot to pick up toilet paper and milk? Running on two hours of sleep? Steer clear of professing anything drastic online. Send an encouraging email or call a friend instead. Just like the No Texting signs along New York highways, tell yourself, “It can wait.”

Use Discernment

As with all things, there’s a time and place. Live and learn.

This idea of online self versus in person self fascinates me. I intend to keep reading about it and paying attention to who consistently communicates authentically online.

What say you on the topic of online authenticity?

*More tips for keeping your head listed here

Wendy Who

Today I’m looking at writing and platform building through a Horton Hears a Who lens.

If you’ve read the Dr. Seuss classic or have seen the movie you might imagine where I’m headed.

I’m a Who. A Who writer. Without a bestseller, not selling millions, no lines waiting for me at book signings.

Years ago I asked myself what’s a Who to do in the megaphone world of broadcast yourself until your fingers ache from tweeting and posting?

And naturally I concluded…

Make noise of course.

A constant tension exists in the publishing industry. Pour yourself into your craft. Don’t get distracted. But as you improve your craft and ward off distractions, build a rock solid platform.

In recent years, my inner introvert has endured Olympic-equivalent training while exercising extroverted skills.

And at some point I became immersed in the tension, wading, then dogpaddling, until I dove deep enough all sound began to mimic the murmuring Charlie Brown waa waa—that under water half-registered reception of everything communicated above the water’s surface.

I grappled with the fear that if I didn’t make noise I’d be blown by the wind, disappearing altogether. Would anyone care about a Who? Would I exist as a writer? Tree falls in the forest kind of thoughts.

Gradually, I’ve grown to embrace that being a Who isn’t about the clatter. Surviving + thriving in this industry require me to trust there are folks out there who believe in me. I believe in me.

~

I told myself to write this post as I would my last. Not because that’s what it is—a finale but because sometimes I think about it…hitting publish on my last post. I envision the exit from social media much like Jim Carrey stepping off stage in The Truman Show. No more tweeting, status updates, dipping my toe in or swan diving in the social media pool. I’m not anti social media. Absolutely not. In fact, while I was visiting my mom in Florida last week I missed connecting online.

However, it’s proven invaluable for me to evaluate how my experience online has influenced me, and what the concept of platform building has done to my passion for writing. For me, platform building has a tendency to feel like blowing down a deck of cards only to rebuild it again.

During my time of reflection I slid inside Horton’s skin, took a step back to watch Wendy Who blowing trumpets, smashing drums, while stomping all over the Internet. I connected alright. I connected with such fervor there were times I lost my voice in the process.

When I quieted I was surprised to learn a thing or two about myself. My writing didn’t crumble. The seeds where I’d rooted myself weren’t sent sailing haphazardly on the wind. Instead, I regained an appreciation of what I value about social media. I also took an honest look at all the noise I was making, measuring it, sampling it, and spitting out what was unnecessary.

I realized what I’m made of—the fight in me still strong.

One more thing settled into my Wendy Who bones. I don’t have to scream for survival in publishing. People believe in both me and my writing. My words speak loud enough on their own.

I need not worry whether or not people are promoting or talking about Wendy Who. Because I know what it feels like to holler with such throat-scratching intensity my blowfish cheeks redden and my purpose stretches to the point it can get diluted and muddled. And thankfully, I’ve learned what it feels like to float along content on the winds of change.

This Who has resolved to enjoy the process while letting my writing reverberate noise. I’m reenergized to focus on my craft as I trust in what’s to come.

Have you ever thought about the influence social media (and/or platform building) has had on your life? Ever feel like a Who, either afraid of being unheard or as though you could be blown away to nothingness? What helps you to feel reaffirmed in your most valued roles?

Thank you for being a Horton in my life—for hearing me!

*photos by stock.XCHNG

Sincere

It must have been at least ten years ago I heard a pastor share the root meaning of the word sincere.

The word is derived from the Latin sine = without, cera = wax

The pastor shared the widespread understanding of the word’s origin. Dishonest Roman and Greek sculptors would fill in cracks with wax in attempt to deceive anyone who saw their work. They wanted their work to appear flawless.

If I remember correctly, our pastor went on to make the connection how we are like those flawed pieces of art. He emphasized how we can allow God to shine light in those vulnerable areas and let His radiance and grace shine through.

I liked this message. Still do.

But I’m beginning to wonder how much it holds up to the light today.

Especially when it comes to our “online” selves.

No one wants a downer. And yet everyone feels skeptical when every picture posted is plastered with smiles.

We don’t know what to trust online anymore. It’s as though we’ve all become sculptors filling in with wax. Or if we’re not being blatantly dishonest, we simply choose to avoid the internet on particularly sad or emotional days.

I crave the sincere.

I crave glimpses of light shining through the vulnerable cracks.

I don’t want to encounter you online and wonder if what I’m really seeing is wax.

Have you witnessed the tension I’m referring to when it comes to vulnerability and online behavior?

“And I go back to Eden, in my mind, to imagine what it is going to be like for you and me in heaven. I suppose it will be a new and marvelous paradise, where love will exist in its purest form, where the beauty of diversity will be understood for the first time, where self-hatred will fade into an agreement with God about the splendor of His creation, where physical beauty will no longer be used as a commodity, where you and I will feel free in our sincere love for others, ourselves, and God. And I suppose it will be in heaven that you and I actually understand each other, all the drama of the lifeboat a distant memory, all the arguments we has seeming so inconsequential, and the glory of God before us in all His majesty, shining like sunlight through our souls.” ~ Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

*photo by stock.XCHNG

Moving Thoughts Friday

Every Friday I’m going to ask a question. The questions I choose might be ambiguous on purpose. The goal is to have you answer the question according to your beliefs, where you’re at in life or a circumstance that might have recently impacted you. The only thing I ask is that you provide an explanation for why you answered the way you did.

It’s my hope to understand you better through this and also to gain a greater understanding of humanity and how people make decisions.

What has been your most meaningful interaction or connection via social media?

*photos by stock.XCHNG

Love in the Time of Social Media (Part 2)

Everything I’m about to share I’ve struggled with at some point or another. Ah, now that that’s out there…I shall continue.

Last Monday, I addressed bringing the donkey when it comes to living out our calling…our love in the time of social media.

Today I’m homing in on a brotherly or sisterly expression of love. I’m tackling what caring for others online might require of us.

How do we love our online neighbors?

I highlight four elemental ways to love those we interact with on social media sites:

Encourage

Truth: As “well-connected” as I feel at times, there are moments (lulls we’ll call them) after I’ve spent hours at the computer I come away feeling an indescribable loneliness. While this feeling often ends up eventually motivating me or reminding me just how in this I am, it also begs the question why am I in this? And, who am I in this for?

I’m guessing I’m not alone in this.

I hope to reach others. I want to make a difference. I want my life—my words to count for something.

Not alone in this, right?

We have the choice to go forward with this knowledge, building others up, pouring into them, and offering genuine support.

Or we can complain about our soggy tacos. Or wallow in our indescribable lonely feelings.

Choice.

Every day. Every word typed. Every second we connect.

Be Honest

More than ever, and with the ever-increasing methods to interact online we must decide who we are, what we represent, and what messages we intend to put out there.

Emails sent in a rush of anger can have a lasting impact on the recipient.

In the same light, an honest and needed word (challenging as it might be) gives someone an opportunity to grow. Me like growth. Num. Num. Num.

Written words have the potential to come across differently than intended. Clarification is good. Integrity with word choice is good. Plain ol’ honesty is good.

Live with Boundaries (constantly learning on this one)

Physical:

I recently saw a short video of Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) I can’t get out of my mind (thanks for the tweet, RG). In the video, Gilbert expresses how she needs to be her own bodyguard of her time. Wow, this smacked me good. I whittle away my time doing frivolous things. Some of that is a form of decompression and perfectly natural. Some. But it made me think about some of the utterly pointless conversations I have. And also about how I’m not always protecting my time the way I’d like to be. Eye-opener.

How is this related to loving others? When we live with healthy physical boundaries we set an example. We protect others’ time. And we exude respect for ourselves and for others.

One of our pastors once threw out a challenging question. He asked, “Would you invite the people you watch on your favorite shows into your home?” Take a magnifying glass to that question and examine it this way…would you invite those you interact heavily (or regularly) with online into your home?

Emotional:

I always feel like singing the lyrics to “Wild World” by Cat Stevens to someone when they inform me they’re joining yet another social media site. I sing it to myself when I sign up instead. ;)

In all the complicated tangled webs on the web, how is it we discern who to love, when, how…? And how the heck is setting boundaries related to loving others?

Ever feel spent? Ha! You can stop nodding now. We all have. We are wise to be careful who we pour into and how often. I’m blessed to have found some beautiful mutually beneficial friendships (some of those established from initial online contact), but not all online encounters are healthy.

Whew doggie, you should have witnessed some of these encounters when I first logged onto Facebook. The reflective soul I am, it took months to finally be at peace with my new understanding of the word friend. I’ve had to make some discerning, and at times, difficult decisions about those who’ve crossed my boundaries.

Loving others online is also about being clear about what we will and won’t tolerate.

Did you know that a lot can be gauged by what we don’t say and how we don’t respond to that particular pot-stirrer?

Connections and expectations—I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a wild world loving in the time of social media. As Cat sang, “Just remember there’s a lot of bad…and beware.”

Selfless Outreach

Love is…

All this said, I crave to become even more encouraging while online. I want to become less. That’s what love is. It’s not about puffing up or trying to look like more—trying to be more. It’s about being more for others.

And I want to be more for you.

Which of the above ways of loving your online neighbor is most difficult for you? Why do you think?

*Check out the second to last All “I”s on _______ on my FBwriter page today!

**Fun post planned for Wed. (with a giveaway involved)