Theory of Convergence

Last week I encountered some of the most exciting moments of my writing career, and I also endured one of the hardest days as a parent I’ve ever lived through.

Remember the movie Say Anything with John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler? Boombox blaring “In Your Eyes” anyone? There’s a scene I’ll never forget from that movie when Lloyd’s love interest, Diane Court, says, “I have this theory of convergence that good things always happen with bad things. I know you have to deal with them at the same time, but I just don’t know why they have to happen at the same time.”

Yep. That was me last week.

Hitting monumental strides on the writing front. And nearly losing it as a parent.

I’ll get to the rough stuff first. On Thursday, a sixteen-year-old male student from my daughter’s high school was arrested and charged with one count of terroristic threats and acts. I understand, sadly, this type of thing has been happening all over the country. Makes me sick to my stomach to think this kid had a plan. As Thursday went on things grew even more terrifying though. What began as occasional texts from my daughter escalated into an entire day of confusion, intermingled with rumors, on social media and among the students, of a lockdown, “friends at the high school determined to finish the job,” helicopter surveillance, beefed-up police presence, a hallway off-limits, buried guns, teachers locking doors, and most of the student body picked up by parents mid-day due to an additional threat. This threat, via Twitter, ultimately culminated in another student’s arrest after school that same day.

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more conflicted as a parent. And angry. And scared. No parent ever wants to coach their child what to do if someone is firing bullets at them. I’m extremely proud of how my daughter handled the events of that day. But that’s just it. She shouldn’t have had to deal with that! Something broke open inside me as I feared for her safety. This cannot continue—parents sending their kids to school wondering if they’ve made a mistake. Students fearing for their lives. It’s time to embrace change.

Now for the exciting news...

I’m now represented by Marlene Stringer with Stringer Literary Agency and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I loved my conversation with Marlene last week. She’s everything I’ve been looking for in an agent, plus she’s passionate about my novel. I could go on and on about what brought me to this point in my career, but those are stories for another post. I’m here now, represented by a stellar agent, hopeful about what the future holds.

Call it theory of convergence or life in general, I’m choosing to be grateful through all of it.

*I'll be back March 12th

10 Things Anyone Can Benefit from Doing this Holiday Season

It’s a mad-rush time of year. Lines are long. Tempers flare short. Traffic stresses. To-do lists feel endless. These are the best times to keep perspective—to focus on the things that matter most.

I’m throwing out a few ideas that help me to stay centered and spirited during the holidays.

Hope they help you.

10 Things Sure to Benefit ~

Let Go of a Grudge

Aunt Mabel forget to include you on the holiday Christmas card. Nephew Troy didn’t invite you to the big event. Yep, you were hurt. You still are. You have every right to that hurt. You also have every right to let it go. Now’s the perfect time. Let that hurt solidify rock-solid inside you or witness the change in your attitude and countenance after you choose to let it disintegrate.

Get Outside

I walk my youngest to the bus every morning. It’s not a long walk, but it does take about five minutes. And every morning I’m grateful I go. I have no idea if she even wants me there anymore, but aside from giving us a few moments alone together, it feels good to move. I’m also in love with the stars I see when I look up.

Take a Break from Social Media

But then you wouldn’t be able to read this. So? I’d rather you reboot and spend a good chunk of time away from “liking” and binge-reading recipes you’ll never try. We’re losing something in our culture by spending so much time online. Take a piece of it back. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.

Reflect with a Grateful Mindset

What went well this year? Who were you most thankful for? What new and impactful interactions did you have? Have you changed for the better?

Write a Handwritten Letter

Lost art. I know it. You know it. Imagine what a surprise it will be for someone to open their mail and read actual handwriting. Think of the things you could express.

Make a Christmas Gift for Someone

Maybe I’m hinting on this one. I’m a real sucker for homemade gifts. I could spend all day on Etsy (see point above about a social media break). There’s a real opportunity to tap into some creative juices when you don’t throw a credit card at everything. Resources are everywhere (says the woman who keeps painting on drywall she keeps finding in her basement).

Ask What Kind of Impact You’re Making

Through your language, how often you volunteer, the way your children look at you when you’re talking, how often people look to you for support…what has been your role for making this world different than it currently is?

Try Something New

Studies have proven when you launch into learning something new you unlock potential in other areas of your brain. A new recipe. Language. Subject. I kid you not, I’ve been learning a great deal while watching Narcos with my husband. Laugh all you want, but it’s inspired a lot of conversations between us.

Set a Goal & Stick to It

I happened to catch a show the other day when famous comedian, Tiffany Haddish said a fellow actor nudged her in the life-changing direction when he gave her money at a time she needed it and insisted she create a list of goals. There’s something to be said for direction. Motivation. Accountability. I also wanted to mention her because I love that she’s a unicorn on the cover of her book, THE LAST BLACK UNICORN. (Want to read.)

Make Peppermint Crack

My husband says we probably shouldn’t call it this, but I can’t help it. It’s so much fun to say. Think graham crackers, melted chocolate, sprinkled with peppermint candy. Look it up. You’ll thank me later.

Happy Holidays!

18 Steps Closer to Me

Sometimes it’s difficult to gauge just how vulnerable and personal to be online. I like to say I’m an open book, but I’ve encountered situations over the years that have caused me to take a few steps back. Besides, we all know there are some real nut jobs out there. (Eh hem. Creepy clowns and a particular presidential candidate.) With that said, I like taking risks and sharing with you because through the years many of you have reached out and (thank you, thank you) helped to support my writing career. Many of you have chosen to be vulnerable with me.

Remember the game Red Light, Green Light played on elementary school blacktops all across the country? There are days when I feel a bit like I’m playing that game on social media. Some days are big time Red Light days, begging me to hunker down and shut out the world in order to get my work done. There are other stretches of time I have no excuse for my agoraphobic tendencies—it has a lot more to do with the necessity to retreat, to cling to quiet.

Just for fun today I’m going to green light it on eighteen things about me that may or may not come as a surprise.

1. I tweet more when it’s sunny out.
2. There is one movie that’s guaranteed to pull me up out of a funk and it’s the only movie I never get sick of. Give up? Bridesmaids. Gets me every time.
3. I’ve never stepped foot inside an Ikea.
4.  I’m often told I look tired. Reasons are probably because…A. I look tired. B. I am tired…or a trusty combination of the two.
5. My youngest is addicted to magic tricks lately. It’s not unusual for me to find odd items strewn around the house as part of her props, a cracked egg emptied of its contents, cards stuck together, or a plastic thumb. I’m just thankful the dog hasn’t come across the latter.
6. I could eat Mexican food every day for the rest of my life and be a happy woman.
7. During my preschool years, I lived in Germany. My mom would take me shopping often and in the elevator I had a lovely habit of “speaking German” to my fellow Europeans. It was my own special blend of gibberish.
8. Some of the clothes I wear (especially when I’m chilling at home) I’ve owned for over twenty years.
9. I didn’t do the big hair thing in the 80s. I did, however, cut my own bangs. Let your imagination go where it may.
10. I took clarinet and viola lessons in grade school and distinctly recall “fake playing” during the concerts. I was that good.
11. I sprint the end of every jog I go on.
12. I haven’t found a show I love since LOST. I have hope in This Is Us.
13. One of my older sister’s birthdays is two days before mine. Two of my girls have birthdays two days apart. All three of my girls have birthdays within eight days of each other.
14.  I’ve lived on the East Coast and the West Coast and several places in between.
15. I have a thing for ampersands.
16. Rainbow Brite was my hero as a kid. I mean, c’mon, she had a unicorn. I also liked He-Man.
17. My family enjoyed skiing in Austria when I was little. Some of my first memories are of relaxing in the ski lodge eating a yummy breaded recipe stuffed with rich raspberry jam, topped with butter and poppy seeds. When my husband and I were invited to bike through Austria ten years ago, I asked every restaurant about this delicious dessert until we finally found it on one of the last days of our trip.
18. I ate mayonnaise and bologna sandwiches like it was my job when I was ten.

Okay, your turn. Green light! 

Heart Ponderings & Why I Refuse to Let Dog Vomit Win

I woke up to dog puke this morning. And then I broke a few things by accident. Which led me to

think I’m pretty much guaranteed to have one sucky day.

That was until I remembered the time of year. And all that’s happened in my life over the past year. And you.

I ordered the cranky voice quiet and took a few moments to reflect on all I have to be thankful for.

Things like…

Kids that still open their arms to hug me, a roaring fire in the fireplace yesterday, a husband who brought up my books to the company we hosted this weekend, my books—that I’ve worked hard and and people are actually buying and reading them, my health (even though I’m really curious about a few new bumps and red dots on my skin), that I have a God who teaches me how to forgive and love deeply, candles, warm blankets, that I even have a dog (wild and crazy as she is), the walk I took with my husband last night, family I love to talk to on the phone, a memorable church message, a motley crew of diverse and fortifying friendships, the will in me to grow and learn, an indestructible fight inside of me. The glory of this season. Every day I get to be here on earth. . .

published four books

And I ponder in my heart, much like Mary did that majestic evening she held her newborn in her arms, when life feels most overwhelming and kissed by a spiritual otherness that’s difficult to conceptualize, it’s best to embrace all of the gifts of truth we’ve been given. To cling fast to life, and light, and everything that imbues us with hope.

Because hope is living and real. 

{And it’s far more appealing than dog vomit.}

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

#DelicateLove Giveaway

Shaking it up around here. I’m not asking you to do the usual tweeting, facebooking, yodeling from the mountaintops about my latest novel, THE DELICATE NATURE OF LOVE for a chance to win a super cool giveaway.

Instead, I’m asking you to dig deep—to remember a time in your life when someone’s influence on you made a permanent impact.

 

I want you to capture the impression this person had on you in a very specific and creative way via social media. To create a mini-dedication.

A few “rules” to win:

1.  Keep it brief. The goal is to evoke emotion in as few words as possible—to help us to understand why you’re changed because of this person. Be imaginative.

2.  You must add #delicatelove wherever you decide to post.

3.  You need to attach my cover somewhere to your story. If you’d like and if room allows, you’re welcome to provide a more detailed explanation for what you’ve written/come up with.

 

Four Places to list your mini #delicatelove gratitude reflections à

In the comments of this post

On Facebook (make sure to include a picture of my cover, #delicatelove & try to tag me if at all possible—at the very least notify me that you’ve posted something to enter)

On Twitter

On Pinterest

 

I will compile responses on March 17th, and then consult a select group of trustworthy folk to let me know which story moved them the most. When I get a unanimous vote, I’ll announce the winner here on March 18, 2015.

Hear that? You have two weeks to creatively express a mini-dedication to the person who changed your life forever...for a chance to win the #delicatelove giveaway.

Have at it!

You’re all considered winners in my book (especially those dedicated to inspiring others)!

 

 

*Heads up, I might repost, retweet, or recycle what you’ve written if it moves me. Keep this in mind if what you’re creating is more of a private reflection.

**If you see me posting, it’s not to win. Only having fun with the contest myself & hoping to provide examples.

A No-Time-To-Cook Recipe to Say Thanks

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all of you who’ve reached out to let me know you’ve been buying my books for your friends & family for the holidays.

Here is a picture I took yesterday of my rock star realtor (from seven years ago). She swung by to have me sign copies of The Disappearing Key she bought as gifts for her dear friends. So meaningful to visit with her!

As a way of saying thanks, I’m giving you one of my favorite in-a-hurry, life’s-too-crazy, hardly-have-a-minute-to-breathe-nonetheless-cook recipes. I forget where it originally came from, but I hope your family enjoys it as much as mine does!

Yum Pasta

12 oz. linguine pasta

1 15 oz. can of diced tomatoes

1 med. sweet onion (cut in ¼ strips)

4 cloves of garlic (or I use tablespoons of the wet in a jar)

¼ tsp. dried oregano leaves

4 ½ c. vegetable broth

2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil

Fresh basil leaves (10-12)

Parmesan cheese (as much as desired)

 

Place pasta, tomato, and sliced onion in large pot (with herbs + garlic). Pour in veggie broth. Sprinkle on red pepper flakes & oil. Cover & bring to a boil. Keep covered for 10 min. or until pasta is cooked. Stir in basil and parmesan. Yum!

 

 

6 Things Writing Has Taught Me about Life

I always find it a little crazy when life imitates my art. An event will play out and I’ll think, Hey, I wrote about that years ago.

Know what else is crazy in the coolest of ways? How I’ve learned things in my career as a writer that have spilled valuable insights over into the rest of my life.

Here are just a few…

Edit as I go

I used to be a yeller. Yep, catch me in the midst of a fight fifteen years ago and I had no qualms about slinging shouts. Not anymore. I’ve grown to see how ineffective yelling is. And as with writing and understanding the importance of editing, I like how I’m able to change as I grow.

Help with letting go

I have three girls. They started out as babies. Sort of how it works, doesn’t it? But they’re rapidly aging. And there’s nothing I can do to slow down the process.

When I publish a book I feel like I hand the story baton to my readers. Or as though I send the novel off like pushing a toy boat on a windy day across rippling waters. I let go.

I’ve tapped into this same mindset at certain moments as a parent. Thanks writing. I owe you for your help with this one.

Remaining open to learning & change

In case you’ve been asleep for the past ten years, a lot has changed in the publishing industry. Independent publishing no longer has the reek of Limburger cheese. In fact, it’s widely respected when done with great consideration, knowledge, and planning.

Newsflash: I’m not always going to be right as a parent. Truth be told, I get it wrong about 78% of the time. You’re thinking why on earth would I share this, aren’t you? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because I’m passionate about learning, about paying attention, and about riding the waves as a mom and member of society. I want to make a great impact with the little time I have here. In order to do that, I must be receptive to what works. And what doesn’t.

Managing expectations

I used to think every holiday had to materialize like a Normal Rockwell painting. In other words I wanted the perfect life. Somewhere along the way I realized that’s a farce. (My kids would laugh if I read that word out loud. Oh, language.) Things get messy. Feelings get hurt. Clothes live on my bedroom floor. Instead of promising myself every morning I’ll clean the entire house, tackle 50 pages of my novel, and write Congress letters about everything that’s troubling me, I get real.

As a writer I know how much time it takes to build an audience—to find my peeps. I’ve learned how to apply this throughout the rest of my life, mindful not to set myself up for disappointment unnecessarily.

Be brave & Take risks

Sneaking two in one, eh? Why yes, yes I am. Takes a certain kind of bravery to do that. Anyway, rejection is the Mr. Miyagi of publishing. It keeps you humble, and challenges your degree of determination. After I endure a humbling event related to my writing, I have a tendency to wax on, then wax off. I jump back up with hands raised, ready to fight.

I can’t take credit for why I’m so stubbornly committed. Part of my wiring perhaps.

Love when that wiring is connected to other areas of passion in my life like my marriage, and parenting.

Spread the love

I used to think writing had to be a solitary act. Well, in a way it is. But in so many beautiful ways it’s fanned out for me. I’m in touch with hundreds of other writers who are devoted to encouraging one another. I meet these writers at conferences and online and I can’t tell you how deep my gratitude goes for them.

Contrasting what I thought my path would be as a writer hunkered in, startled by sounds, and on the edge of agoraphobia to instead readily enjoying the many blessings of connecting with fellow writers, reminds me to express gratitude in every area of my life. I’m thankful for my friends who are vastly different than me. I’m challenged to exude love even when it’s difficult because so very much love has been given to me.

There you have it. Six ways being a writer has seeped into my non-writing life.
Do you feel the overflow of your career spilling into who you are outside of work?

 

When You Love a Book…(Part 1)

When you love a book you want to tell the world about it.

That’s how I feel right now as I’m reading DARING GREATLY by BrenéBrown.  I’m beginning to think she climbed inside my head and wrote down all my thoughts.

I’ve found myself nodding in agreement while reading every page. Brown is blowing my mind with her wisdom and honest perceptions.

Take this:

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

Or this:

“Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement.”

I’m in the midst of several vulnerable undertakings.

Every morning for the past several weeks I’ve woken up to a crew of construction workers chillin’ on my front lawn, ready to tackle the day’s work. My house is not my own. My inner sanctum is a construction site. How symbolic.

I’m excited to share the other undertaking I referred to earlier with you in a few weeks.

Until then…

Thank you. Thank you for making this a place where I’ve felt like I can be vulnerable, brave, and alive. Thank you for reading faithfully and sharing your thoughts. You make this blog what it is!

Finally, I wasn’t surprised when I came across one of my favorite quotes in DARING GREATLY:

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle (italics mine)

Have you read a book recently you’ve wanted to share with the world?

*photo by stock.XCHNG

Publishing, Love It or List It, and Gratitude

Okay, so my family has watched enough episodes now for me to properly formulate an opinion. The couples on Love It or List It come across generally ungrateful. During the transformation of their home. When the renovations are complete, they can’t help but fawn over what Hilary has done or the stunning house David has found for them.

If you’re wondering what the heck I’m referring to I’ll give you the two second spiel. Couple debates whether to fix up home or sell it. In moves Hilary with her magical visionary thinking and hearty team to do wonders. In moves David, real estate agent extraordinaire to convince them to list by showing the couple spotless properties that curiously are often priced above their budget. They ultimately must choose whether they love the changes or they’ll list their house and move on to “greener” pastures.

Hint: Hilary is always slammed with some unexpected (and of course expensive) structural or plumbing problem.

Therein is the telling word—unexpected.

When Hilary broaches the couple midway through the process with the hiccups, they’re often rude and disgruntled, fast to lose trust in her vision. They become nicer to David, more open-minded on the next house hunt. The psychology is enchanting.

And every single time it comes down to expectations.

No one likes to be thrown a curveball. But our expectations say a lot about us.

I can get sidetracked by materialism with the best of them, but it might be fun to shed light on my first rental. I lived in the downstairs of a colonial. Beautiful hardwood floors. High ceilings. Now for my furniture: mattress on the floor, light on the floor, papasan, toaster oven-sized TV, stacks of books cropping up like anthills, and I’m having trouble remembering anything else. I lived this way until my boyfriend (now husband) took pity on me and began hauling in furniture his parents had given him. Here’s the thing…I was perfectly content that way.

My expectations and neediness (or lack thereof) shaped my outlook. I was full.

I try to remember this whenever I zap into “mine all mine” mode, whenever I start drooling over the next ___________. Sure, nice things are nice. They’re fun. But they won’t better us. A new house or even an improved house for that matter won’t add to who we are.

I made the connection the other day between Love It or List It and the publishing process. We’re constantly poised to feel like we need more. More validation, more readers, more reviews, more stars, more fans on Facebook, more than one book published, etc. We struggle to feel full. We fight to keep trusting when we’re thrown a curveball. Enchanting psychology.

Here’s where it’s at…We are wise to cling to a spirit of gratitude. Whether it’s our homes being gutted or our souls, we’re constantly given opportunities to rise to resiliency when we’re sideswiped with the unexpected. It’s all on loan. Temporary.

What reminds you to be grateful?

Now off to watch Property Brothers. ;-)

*I will say I have no idea how I’d react if a budgeted plan got majorly altered. What comes across as the couples acting ungrateful could be a natural response.

**photo by stock.XCHNG

Moving Turkey

“The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed.” ~ Maya Angelou

Happy Thanksgiving!

See you Monday.

*photo by stock.XCHNG

**I’m seeing a wee bit of irony in posting a picture of a turkey with this quote…poor guy, his tomorrow is not like our tomorrow.