Permission

Tis the season for giving myself permission. Permission to let go, to relax, to unplug, to rearrange and reorder my thoughts . . . permission to surrender. When my heart is invested in something I have a tendency to be freakishly disciplined. Though not a perfectionist, I can be ruthlessly hard on myself. With my bent toward intense commitment, I’ve had to teach myself there’ll be times, seasons even, when I need to pull back, reassess, moments to catch a breather.

Here are just a few things I’ve intentionally chilled out about in the past in order to maintain my sanity.

Leave the dishes for morning (when I have more energy anyway).

Dry shampoo is my friend.

Shop online.

Turn off the news.

Drastically cut down on social media time.

Step back from writing in order to plot & brainstorm.

Allow my kids to take occasional breaks from activities. Encourage unplugged downtime.

Write out my priorities.

Dust? What’s dusting?

Skipping an occasional blog post.

I don’t go nuts with Christmas décor. 

Wear my pajamas all day.

Wear the same outfit multiple days in a row.

I take at least one or two days each year to shut out the world and get lost in Netflix shows/or movies.

I read between chores.

I’m inconsistent with sending Christmas cards. Some years I send them. Some years I don’t.

Who are the Joneses anyway? The only comparing I want to do is with who I was a year ago, ten years ago. My hope is to constantly strive toward becoming a more loving and understanding individual. Checking boxes and keeping a jealous eye on my neighbor or that certain online account won’t get me there. There’s infinite freedom in letting go. In taking the chokehold off life, inviting in the wonders of a life lived untethered to comparisons.

I’ve moved to two new states in the past few years. I’ve come to respect the wonderful blessings that result when I give myself permission to go easy. I’m endlessly going hard after the things I love. In this stretch of life this mostly encompasses taking care of my family and working on my craft. It’s a treat to take a step back from the pressures I’ve built in my mind of how all is supposed to look. Images of a perfectly dressed holiday table with the dog pleasantly seated beside. As opposed to a throw together hodgepodge of traditional family dishes and random foods I know my kids will eat, as the dog is two seconds from devouring a turkey leg.

When I go easy, I allow life to remind me of how simple and sweet it can be.

Happy Thanksgiving!

8 Tips to Help You Thrive through the Holidays

If you’re like me you want to do more than simply survive the holidays. You want to make special

memories and meet the New Year with energy and zeal for life. Most of us know, however, the holidays can suck the life out of us if we’re not mindful and intentional.

I’m offering a few tips that have helped me thrive through this particular busy season in the past. Maybe they’ll help you too.

Identify Your Safe People

Ah. The splendor of family together. Great Uncle Ben with his inappropriate jokes. Or Cousin Sandra who spends the entire Thanksgiving meal talking about how poorly turkeys are treated. Then, of course there are the real doozies. Dad with his hypercritical opinion about your new boyfriend or your sister-in-law with her passive aggressive way of telling you she hates you (eh-hem, your haircut). Ah . . . family. Gotta love ‘em. That may be so, it really helps to know who (whether in the family circle or not) you can consider your “safe” people. Friends or that super close sister you can call up or huddle together with as they remind us we can do this, only twenty-four more hours. Safe people are the ones you trust. They uplift and encourage. You don’t feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them or cringe whenever they open their mouths.

Once you figure out who at least one safe person is in your life, thank them, then let them know you might be reaching out over the holidays.

Move Your Body

Nothing simmers my stress level quite like a long walk (even in the cold). Get outside. Participate in a spontaneous dance party. Get your lungs pumping and your arms flailing. Check out how Cousin Sandra does the whip and ney ney.

How You Treat Others Stays with Them Longer than the Gifts You Give

The Fitbit will break. Those gorgeous dishes you’ve admired for months will all be chipped in three years. The snow blower will be given to a neighbor when you learn you’re moving to Dallas. Gifts are fun to give and get, but no gift will ever compare to consistent and selfless love. Memories of kindness live on forever.

Lower Your Expectations

Whenever I say this I realize it sounds pessimistic. My intention is coming from the exact opposite place. When we go into a situation expecting everything to go perfectly our hope is quickly dashed at the slightest insult or disappointment. However, if we go in knowing there will be moments of awkwardness and pangs of discomfort, we may find we’re pleasantly surprised at the end of the day.

Let Go Quickly

Piggybacking off the last point, those insults and disappointments are likely to come. We’re all flawed humans with a lot on our plates and even more on our minds. We come in to family settings with fears, and secrets, jealousies, and a lot of history dragged behind us in sacks far bigger than Santa’s pack. This is true for all of us. The more we encounter one another with this sense of understanding and grace, the quicker we might be able to let the little things go.

Brainstorm Non-Explosive Topics

I dare you look up after the Thanksgiving prayer and ask everyone who they voted for. Or you could light an explosive in the middle of the table if that’s easier. Be mindful that certain topics are bound to set certain individuals off. Remember those Santa packs of fear and secrets we all dragged in? Think about who you’re with and what’s likely to slit a huge tear down the fabric of those packs. You shouldn’t feel like you need to steer clear of real conversation, only consider refraining from topics that really should come with warning labels.

Shorten Your To-Do List

Some years I’ve sent Christmas cards. Others I haven’t. No apologies or explanations. I get to what I get to. I assume the same for others and try not to get offended easily. We’re all slammed. Fight stress by deciding right now that you’ll cut three or four things off your usual to-do list. You’ll notice it won’t kill anyone and it may even save you a little of your sanity in the process.

Take Time Alone to Reflect

I’m about to tell you something that might shock you. I’m an introvert. Yep, it’s true. I’m also a learned-extrovert. But my real energy and restoration comes from time alone, moments spent in reflection, writing at my computer, and prayer. This is how I come back to myself when I’m peopled out. The holidays are a prime time to get peopled out fast. Safeguard your propensity to stress by stealing a few minutes away by yourself. To think. To plan. To remind yourself there are only twenty-four hours left with these crazy people. ;-) Who knows . . . they might be hiding out in the bathroom saying the exact same thing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Moving Turkey

“The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed.” ~ Maya Angelou

Happy Thanksgiving!

See you Monday.

*photo by stock.XCHNG

**I’m seeing a wee bit of irony in posting a picture of a turkey with this quote…poor guy, his tomorrow is not like our tomorrow.