10 Things Anyone Can Benefit from Doing this Holiday Season

It’s a mad-rush time of year. Lines are long. Tempers flare short. Traffic stresses. To-do lists feel endless. These are the best times to keep perspective—to focus on the things that matter most.

I’m throwing out a few ideas that help me to stay centered and spirited during the holidays.

Hope they help you.

10 Things Sure to Benefit ~

Let Go of a Grudge

Aunt Mabel forget to include you on the holiday Christmas card. Nephew Troy didn’t invite you to the big event. Yep, you were hurt. You still are. You have every right to that hurt. You also have every right to let it go. Now’s the perfect time. Let that hurt solidify rock-solid inside you or witness the change in your attitude and countenance after you choose to let it disintegrate.

Get Outside

I walk my youngest to the bus every morning. It’s not a long walk, but it does take about five minutes. And every morning I’m grateful I go. I have no idea if she even wants me there anymore, but aside from giving us a few moments alone together, it feels good to move. I’m also in love with the stars I see when I look up.

Take a Break from Social Media

But then you wouldn’t be able to read this. So? I’d rather you reboot and spend a good chunk of time away from “liking” and binge-reading recipes you’ll never try. We’re losing something in our culture by spending so much time online. Take a piece of it back. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.

Reflect with a Grateful Mindset

What went well this year? Who were you most thankful for? What new and impactful interactions did you have? Have you changed for the better?

Write a Handwritten Letter

Lost art. I know it. You know it. Imagine what a surprise it will be for someone to open their mail and read actual handwriting. Think of the things you could express.

Make a Christmas Gift for Someone

Maybe I’m hinting on this one. I’m a real sucker for homemade gifts. I could spend all day on Etsy (see point above about a social media break). There’s a real opportunity to tap into some creative juices when you don’t throw a credit card at everything. Resources are everywhere (says the woman who keeps painting on drywall she keeps finding in her basement).

Ask What Kind of Impact You’re Making

Through your language, how often you volunteer, the way your children look at you when you’re talking, how often people look to you for support…what has been your role for making this world different than it currently is?

Try Something New

Studies have proven when you launch into learning something new you unlock potential in other areas of your brain. A new recipe. Language. Subject. I kid you not, I’ve been learning a great deal while watching Narcos with my husband. Laugh all you want, but it’s inspired a lot of conversations between us.

Set a Goal & Stick to It

I happened to catch a show the other day when famous comedian, Tiffany Haddish said a fellow actor nudged her in the life-changing direction when he gave her money at a time she needed it and insisted she create a list of goals. There’s something to be said for direction. Motivation. Accountability. I also wanted to mention her because I love that she’s a unicorn on the cover of her book, THE LAST BLACK UNICORN. (Want to read.)

Make Peppermint Crack

My husband says we probably shouldn’t call it this, but I can’t help it. It’s so much fun to say. Think graham crackers, melted chocolate, sprinkled with peppermint candy. Look it up. You’ll thank me later.

Happy Holidays!

Four Reasons Your Characters Might Resist Being Written

Most novelists have experienced the elusive character, the one who stubbornly conceals her personality when you’re needing her to open up. There are dozens of tricks to break through to a character like this. Writing a journal sketch from their perspective. Interviewing them. Many of these tricks work. But what happens when they don’t?

When a character simply refuses to be written, it’s time to take a closer look at why this is happening. Characters are smart. They want to help the novelist succeed. They’ll fight being written for a few key reasons.

Why a Character Might Resist Being Written. . .

They Have No Goal

A novel is at its greatest risk of wandering if your main character is goalless. Before I even begin the first page I make sure I’m familiar with what my characters want. What is it she’s most hoping to gain? What is he most afraid to lose? What can’t she live without? What would kill him figuratively and literally?

Be it internal or external, a character without a goal is miserable and they won’t let you get far. The people in your novel have goals. Search them out. Think about your character’s aspirations when you’re writing each scene because these goals should impact every scene in some way or another.

Give a character a strong goal and you’ve accomplished a major score.

They Feel Like a Caricature

No one wants to be a counterfeit. Your characters want to feel real more than anything. Because they are real. In your mind they are and that counts. That’s enough. Take the time necessary to allow them develop fully, to understand the core of who your main character is—her values, fears, strengths and weaknesses, those she loves the most, those she can’t stand, etc.

Characters aren’t the only smart ones. Readers are smart. They’ll sniff out a slap together character quicker than you can say fake.

Their Life is too Strong an Echo of Yours

Everything is hitting too close to home. It’s all getting a little too up close and personal for you. So you back off. And guess what? Your character follows suit. Because she’s reading your anxiety and behavior. She’s feeling your fear. And even though she’s rooting for you to power through this most vulnerable journey, she’s beginning to doubt you can.

Here’s where writing what you know gets dangerous. You aren’t the character. Sure, I’m imbued in every single character I’ve ever created. But none of them are me.

Characters crave a life of their own and even though you, the author, may have endured something tragic and you’re attempting to put your main character through a similar experience, remember to give them rights to react in a way that only they can. Tap into what you felt, absolutely. Use that. But then at some point, witness how your character responds.

Unless you’re writing memoir, a transfer must occur. This hardship is being passed to another. You can let go and watch how doing so enables you to write more freely.

They Refuse to Change

I keep hearing the lyrics from Peter Pan in my head, the lost boys singing about how they’ll never grow up. Okay, that’s their gig. Got it. But this might be the exact reason your character wants to bail on your novel. Characters long to change, to grow, to end up at the last page as someone more fully realized. And the best way to get your characters to this place is to test them, to put the hurt on them so to speak. If they willfully won’t bend mentally, physically, spiritually or in any other way pay attention. You haven’t found something that pierces them enough.

Some of the best books I’ve read detail wondrous evolution of character. In particular I’m thinking about The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry and Me Before You.

Do your characters a favor. Give them opportunities to grow and change. They’ll thank you for it by showing up on the page and coming alive like never before.

Ten Priorities Up On Top

What’s a woman to do when she has five million priorities weighing on her? It’s often difficult to know what to tackle first and in what order. In time, I’ve found that there are a few ways to alleviate the stress related with this time of year.

And I’d love to share what has helped me in the past.

Ten Things to Help You Prioritize

Don’t Get All Dystopian on Your Schedule

I have a tendency to let anxiety creep in if I know there are dozens of things I need to tackle in a short amount of time or, as often happens, I need to get all three kids to activities at the exact same time. My husband likes to tell me not to “run down the path”. It’s his way of reminding me not to freak myself out about what the future holds and that usually the things that need to get done…get done.

Put Your Pants on One Leg at a Time

Don’t overcomplicate things. Sometimes the things you keep insisting have to get accomplished really don’t.

Pray It Out

I’m always amazed at what a little meditative breathing, chat with God, and/or time of reflective surrender does for my mental outlook.

Don’t Be a Train Wreck

Be aware of what’s likely to derail you throughout the day. Is it self-deprecation on steroids? How about the babbling mail carrier? Could it be social media? Or spending more time planning than actually doing?

Time Travel to Gauge Regret

I know, I know, I just told you not to get all dystopian, but what I mean here is to take pause. Evaluate the twenty things on your list and ask yourself to take one giant step in the future. Now, looking back, which things on that list will you regret doing? Or not doing?

Be a Magic Johnson Kind of Point Guard

Had to ask my husband for basketball help on this. Guard points of interest in your life that matter to you outside of the never-ending to-do list. Carve out time to exercise. Block out major distractions. Discern when a maybe-do shows up on the court disguised as a must-do.

Maximize Light Bulb Hours

There are certain times of the day when your brain is sharper than others. Know what time of day your light bulbs go off the most. Accomplish the more involved, mentally involved tasks during these hours.

Blueprint Your Days

I’ll admit it. I still use a planner. Maybe I’m stuck in the 80s. Or maybe I know myself and I’ve discovered there’s something about writing a task down that locks it in my head better. Make goals. Write them down. Stay on target.

Call on the Troops

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when needed. You’re bound to be more effective in the areas you’re most called to when you’re willing to involve others. We all bring strengths to the table. Look around. There’s a big table out there.

Whoops—I Call a Do-Over

We’re sort of like cats in this area. We get at least nine do-overs. So what, you were late to carpool. No big deal you forgot to bring dessert to the second grade meet and greet. Oh well, you didn’t cross off everything on your list today.

There’s always regret-free tomorrow.

8 Ways to Organize Your Brain

In this social media age, when we’re bombarded with one distraction after another, it’s imperative to step back every so often to clean out the clutter we’ve accumulated like ravaging, time-sucking dust bunnies inside our brains.

Does your brain need an organization overhaul?

Stop Being So Polite to Distractions

Welcome, Facebook, here’s all my time. Do with it what you will.

Oh, it’s you, come on in TV show that will extinguish that spark trying desperately to ignite.

Hello, rambling neighbor, yes I’ll engage in forty meaningless minutes of non-conversation as I listen to your gossip about your mother’s uncle. Sure, why not.

Downsize the Worry Quadrant

“But what if,” you’ve been moved to the cerebral office with no windows, no computer, and minimal interaction with coworkers. Oh, and lights out all day. Saving energy.

Don’t Starve Creativity

Example of starving creativity: Glimmering inspirational idea that scurries to the corner whenever I open the door and light streams in full of hope and promise, no soup for you.

Take out the Trash

Negative self-talk, haunting lies from the past, discouraging phrases stuck between lobe one and lobe two—be gone!

Place Priority Items on the Highest Cranial Shelf

Assess what you value most and evaluate whether you’re dolling out enough time and resources to these top priorities. Make it so you can see them at all times—visual reminder.

Goal-Set a Cerebral Table

Establish attainable, focused tasks you’d like to accomplish. Write them in chalk on the canvas of your noggin’. Check in from time to time to evaluate if your centerpiece is the focal point of all you’ve set on the table.

Hang an Encouraging Sign (a mantra if you will) on the Strongest Sensory Point

We all need regular reminders of what’s important. If your reminder is imprinted on an impressionable sensory receptor—imagine the possibilities!

Trade Multi-tasked Mindjumper Mentality for Fully Focused Engaged Experiencer

One of my favorite lines from Dead Poets Society is when Robin Williams quotes Thoreau with wanting to “suck the marrow out of life.” We can do this, we can suck the marrow out of life or we can sip, sip, sip never ingesting the deep goodness that only comes from full engagement. Make your brain freeze, people!

Can you think of any other methods of brain organization at its best?

*photo by stock.XCHNG