Don’t Let ‘Em Fool You (& some song lyrics)

A lot of exciting things have been happening in my life lately. Book signings. Just read a great write-up in the local paper about me entitled, “The Sweet Taste of Success.” Reviews for both of my books are strong. My husband and I are about to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary. My girls are back in school and I’m working hard on another story I can’t wait to share with you. I post some of this on social media. And some day-to-day happenings I keep to myself. To stroke and play with like a soft little bunny.

When I thought about what I wanted to blog about today my mind kept snagging on the word image. Particularly image on Facebook.

Life has a tendency to appear quite rosy on Facebook. For you. For me. For all of us. It’s only natural we want to put our best out there, but I wanted to share in this post how life isn’t a status update. It isn’t the best picture of twenty. It’s more than just the images we put out there of us when we’re in public or laughing with friends.

Life is a mixed bag. And while I respect that it’s wise not to dump our emotional baggage online at anyone who will click it open, I also think it’s good to remind ourselves that life isn’t a snapshot on Facebook. Social media is only a glimpse, and a glimpse we choose to share at that.

So in light of what I just wrote, I’m going to be candid. There’s a lot more going on in my life than book signings and articles that dub me a success. I often fight feelings of failure. I grieve friendships and find myself singing the following Bob Marley lyrics every so often. “Good friends we have. Good friends we’ve lost along the way.” Even though we have an adorable new pup, I still miss our old dog a lot. I get sad about family members battling sicknesses. I get frustrated with middle school girls who act rude. I have trouble acting normal when I’m nervous (nod to Counting Crows lyrics).

“And I’m gonna be forty.” (In a little over a year, but still Meg Ryan understands.)

So I write all this to remind you…

We’re in this together, people. And it’s never as real as it seems online. Don’t let ‘em fool you. (Hey, I do believe that’s Bob, too.)

 

 

Staying True to Yourself Online

I’ve got it. A two-headed turtle. That’s the image that comes to mind when I think about the divide I

sometimes feel between my offline self and my online persona. Every time I click online I hope to convey an aspect of who I am—to offer a sliver of authentic self. However, I struggle with the whole “be real, but not too real, be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable” advice. I don’t want to walk a fine line when it comes to communicating with my readers or friends online. The last thing I want is to be two-faced. Though, I’ll blatantly confess, more times than not I end up feeling like a two-headed turtle.

Newsflash: A turtle is only supposed to have one head.

I’ve maintained a healthy blog since 2009, joined Facebook not long after, Twitter a few years later, followed by Pinterest. You could say I’ve been making the rounds. This whole concept of keeping my head has gotten more interesting with the recent release of my book. Whenever I begin to feel the unnatural sprouting of a second cranium (or sense I’m straying from being entirely true to myself online) I pull back. I evaluate what’s going on. And I take heed to the following.

Things I tell myself in hopes to restore my head:

Don’t Follow a Set of Rules

There is no set way of how one should act online. I’ve read lists. I’ve laughed at lists. One list said not to thank people for things on Facebook because it would come across as a desperate plea for attention. Yeah, that’s a solution…shirk gratitude. See where that gets you.

Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

That one review, Facebook like, repin, retweet, etc. isn’t going to be the remedy to all your problems. There will still be problems tomorrow or the next day. Banking on someone to come through in a specific way is unhealthy. It places far too much control in another’s hands.

Take Social Media Breaks

A week. A month. However long, hiatuses are fantastic for restoration, refocusing, and a refined vision.

Recognize the Comparison Trap

This is that big fat net that dangles over every social media site. Numbers. Visits. Attention. Blah, blah, blah. It’ll snap you up faster than the clamped jaw of a snapping turtle. Head one and head two.

Careful Not to Puff Up or Deflate

Your worth can’t be found online or offline for that matter. There’ll be times you’ll be tempted to think you are a big shot. Don’t. There’ll be times you’ll be tempted to go eat fried worms. Hey, try it if you want, but I’m advising against it.

Don’t Ruin Face Time

Years from now, research will reveal the unsettling influence of HBS (head bent) syndrome (and yes, I just made that up). Checking texts. Tweeting at dinner. Align yourself with Jim Elliot’s advice, “Wherever you are, be all there.”

Gauge Your Moods

Kids on your case all day? Husband calls says he’s going to be hours late and he forgot to pick up toilet paper and milk? Running on two hours of sleep? Steer clear of professing anything drastic online. Send an encouraging email or call a friend instead. Just like the No Texting signs along New York highways, tell yourself, “It can wait.”

Use Discernment

As with all things, there’s a time and place. Live and learn.

This idea of online self versus in person self fascinates me. I intend to keep reading about it and paying attention to who consistently communicates authentically online.

What say you on the topic of online authenticity?

*More tips for keeping your head listed here

Sincere

It must have been at least ten years ago I heard a pastor share the root meaning of the word sincere.

The word is derived from the Latin sine = without, cera = wax

The pastor shared the widespread understanding of the word’s origin. Dishonest Roman and Greek sculptors would fill in cracks with wax in attempt to deceive anyone who saw their work. They wanted their work to appear flawless.

If I remember correctly, our pastor went on to make the connection how we are like those flawed pieces of art. He emphasized how we can allow God to shine light in those vulnerable areas and let His radiance and grace shine through.

I liked this message. Still do.

But I’m beginning to wonder how much it holds up to the light today.

Especially when it comes to our “online” selves.

No one wants a downer. And yet everyone feels skeptical when every picture posted is plastered with smiles.

We don’t know what to trust online anymore. It’s as though we’ve all become sculptors filling in with wax. Or if we’re not being blatantly dishonest, we simply choose to avoid the internet on particularly sad or emotional days.

I crave the sincere.

I crave glimpses of light shining through the vulnerable cracks.

I don’t want to encounter you online and wonder if what I’m really seeing is wax.

Have you witnessed the tension I’m referring to when it comes to vulnerability and online behavior?

“And I go back to Eden, in my mind, to imagine what it is going to be like for you and me in heaven. I suppose it will be a new and marvelous paradise, where love will exist in its purest form, where the beauty of diversity will be understood for the first time, where self-hatred will fade into an agreement with God about the splendor of His creation, where physical beauty will no longer be used as a commodity, where you and I will feel free in our sincere love for others, ourselves, and God. And I suppose it will be in heaven that you and I actually understand each other, all the drama of the lifeboat a distant memory, all the arguments we has seeming so inconsequential, and the glory of God before us in all His majesty, shining like sunlight through our souls.” ~ Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

*photo by stock.XCHNG