If you’ve visited here much you know I’m a huge proponent of
empathy. I believe it transforms characters to become more authentic in novels,
it draws people closer together, diminishes the fierce intensity to judge, and
provides countless opportunities for us to grow.
Here’s my I 8 Wednesday list of ways to step inside someone
else’s shoes:
Understand How She
Communicates
Some are talkers. Some are writers. Some express freely.
Some shy away. Some are passive aggressive. She has experienced life. She wants
to share—how will she go about doing so?
Consider Her Past
Everyone has been hurt. And everyone’s hurt places tell a
story about who they are today. Scars, emotional or physical can stand out like
the equator when we’re trying to understand the map of one’s soul.
Share Her Dreams and
Failures
She has hopes. She’s failed. Both have influenced the person
she has become. Take a moment to imagine her dreaming…and failing. Is she
inspired by People or National Geographic? Does she give up
easily or dig in until her fingers bleed?
Which Relationships
Does She Value Most & Which Does She Fear Most
What’s that saying that we become most like the five people
we spend the most time with? Who does she surround herself with? Who terrifies
her? Why?
From R.E.M. to Early
When She Rises
Our thoughts are often freshest in the morning, most
unscathed by the distractions of the day. Attempt to wake up in her skin,
facing the day as she might. Is she wide-eyed, bounding from the bed full of
exuberance or dragging herself to the coffee pot as she smashes sleep further
into her eyes?
Work with Her
Does she like what she does? If not, does she have a hobby
or something she pours herself into outside of work that fulfills her? Take on
her hobby for one day.
Take Yourself out of
the Equation
We’re all influenced by our own life experiences. Make a
concerted effort to view the world as she might. Strip yourself of any
preconceived judgment likely waiting to pounce. Does she handle her emotions
and take on the world vastly different than you do?
What is She Hiding
So much of communication is unspoken. What do you suspect
she hasn’t told anyone? Or only a trusted few? What does this secret say about
her?
When is the last time you felt compelled to become more
empathic toward someone?
*photos by stock.XCHNG
Excellent post, Wendy.
ReplyDeleteI've always taught my kids not to get upset at people who snap at you, or act out...you never know where they have been, or what they had to do to come through a hard time.
I find I have to teach this over and over again to myself. ;-) I love when it finally clicks.
DeleteExcellent list!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I try to do is listen to what's NOT being said, instead of all the things that are.
Love this, though my mind can get pretty crowded with assumptions on this one.
DeleteI'm striving to not take things as personally. That has helped me to be more empathetic. Usually a rude comment or a bad mood from someone isn't about me at all.
ReplyDeleteHUGE! King Kong big. Such an important one for me to remember.
DeleteI'm learning to empathize by watching my husband, who has deep wells of empathy, patience, grace, and forgiveness. I know this because he pours them out on me daily. :)
ReplyDeleteAw Erica I love this & I love it for you!
DeleteExcellent post, as always, Wendy.
ReplyDeleteI was recently surprised by a wave of empathy that washed over my heart when a person I'd long thought of as a total rascal got sick. I knew that compassion came from Jesus' heart!
I'm so empathetic it hurts. I feel others' pain deeply and care intensely, so much so that at times I wish I could do a better job distancing myself. I'm a total mess after disasters such as the Waldo Canyon Fire or Hurricane Sandy and have a hard time functioning because I'm so busy thinking about and praying for those who are suffering.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's kind of a curse. Have to be careful not to enmesh too much. I love your heart and sensitivity--the world needs people like you!
DeleteI've been told before that I lack perspective, so empathy is something I try to practice more often. It's weird - I love to read and write, yet sometimes it's hard for me to read people.
ReplyDeleteI think it's hard for all of us. It goes against our nature--to empathize. And people can really throw us. I know I've been thrown. Thought I had someone's character pretty well figured out--then not so much. Thanks for the RT!
DeleteMiss you NaNo folks. Hope those words are just pouring out of you and the month has been productive. I have some uber (see two dots above u) exciting guest posts coming soon!
ReplyDeleteSo grateful for the comments and online mentions. You all make blogging a blast!
I love this, Wendy. I'm developing characters for my new book, and studying their personalities has opened my eyes to insights about my loved ones and myself. It's amazing how much empathy comes from understanding.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I think one of the most important traits of a good writer is that she be empathetic. You have to walk in the shoes of so many characters, it's an absolute necessity! Great post! <3
ReplyDelete