Monday, July 9, 2018

My Vow to Other Women

I’ve said a lot of things off the cuff through the years. The older I get, the more I want to weigh my words, to consider the how important something is—how valuable—before it leaves my tongue.

There is one thing I can’t stand being said to me. And believe it or not, I hear it a lot.

I bet you’ve heard it, too.

“You look tired.”

Major pet peeve. Why? Because it doesn’t take a genius or a clairvoyant to know I am tired. Most of us are tired and it doesn’t always have to do with lack of sleep. Sometimes it’s a sign we’ve sacrificed, we’ve cared deeply, and we’ve loved until we feel wrung out.

I’m learning to take better care of myself. This seems to be something I have to remind myself to work on. My natural inclination is to pour it all out for my family, but then I find myself crippled with exhaustion, depleted, and not all that useful to anyone.

When I see you and I catch you mid-yawn, or your posture is stooped, or your eyes are unscored with dark shadows, I won’t speak the obvious. Instead, I’ll elect to ask how things are going, how I might help, or I may figure out a way to connect and empathize with you.

I won’t tell you that you look tired.

Because we’re both feeling it. Really, we all are. It just shows up more on some of us.


  1. I've never said that to anyone and I don't remember anyone saying 'you look tired' to me. I don't know why but it sounds insulting.

    1. I'm glad you haven't had that experience. My eyes tend to not wake up until after 10 a.m. so I get it a lot. ;-) And yes, I've found it insulting, but I don't think the person saying it always means it that way. I have heard other moms exclaim it to each other quite often as well. Thought it was worth a post.

  2. I have had that experience. Truth is, I was tired but I still had to keep on going with what was going on around me. I vow to not say those three words to anyone because it doesn't always sound caring. I will ask, as you have decided, "How's it going? Can I pray for you?

    1. I completely get that--being tired & having to keep going with all still going on around me. It's cool you're vowing not to say those words either. Thanks for asking about how things are going. I'm pretty sure I'm done with moving for a while. I forget how much goes into transitioning. Otherwise, we've landed in a beautiful place and for that I'm grateful. I appreciate how you asked & go for it. I never say no when someone asks to pray for me. :-)

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