Monday, August 31, 2015

Wendy Paine Miller 8.0


Why 8.0? This is my eight hundredth post. 800! And since I was never a fan of moving the decimal, or any math for that matter, I’m sticking with 8.0. Eight is my favorite number anyway.

What comes with the 8.0 version of me?

Honesty.

I had no idea what to blog about today. I had a major brain block and for those of you who know me that was no small thing. It rattled me and challenged me to debate if maybe my days of making thoughts move are over. See, unlike decimal points, inspiring you to think is where I’ve found my groove. Those in the publishing industry might dub it something like a brand. Call it whatever you want, but it’s what I love to do. In my novels. On this blog. Even during conversations. (Probably why I’m infatuated with book clubs.)

Thousands of ideas surge through my head throughout the day. I even think in tweets sometimes (I know, scary). But I have to admit, these years of bravely going public as a writer have resulted in a bit of a trippy experience. What to share? What not to share?

Let me explain…in this day and age when people post every stinking photo and status update, documenting their lives in second by second play-by-plays, I get a little freaked out. I begin to wonder if we all start to naively believe we know someone when we’re only sampling one version of that person.

Those makeup tutorials about how to put on concealer on Pinterest have a tendency to weird me out. We’ve all gotten so good at covering up, at photographing our best side, at crafting a tweet-worthy response. My gut tells me it’s only going to get more and more difficult to discern what’s real and what’s not. The natural versus the programmed, rehearsed, and orchestrated.

I’ve made a commitment to be candid here on this blog. But I’ve had so much go on behind the scenes I haven’t opened up about. On purpose. Not because I’m trying to present this Pollyanna falsification of myself, but because life has reminded me in some rather cruel and startling ways how people don’t always have my best interests at heart. There are so many folks online who’ve become like vultures with their opinions, feeding on the risks and failures of others. I share a lot, but I hold a lot back, too. I’ve found that’s what works best for me—helps me to keep my balance and perspective when it’s time for reviews to role in.

So, now to address what this new Wendy 8.0 version will be…

Me, candid…uncensored. It won’t be me trying to check the boxes of what some publishing house is looking for or even what I think my readers need to know (because I’m not a mind reader).

8.0 is going to be the stirrings of my heart, the quiet promptings impossible to ignore. Soul whispers.

I miss Sincerity online lately.

So, I’m bringing her back. Except she has my name. She takes a horrible selfie. She doesn’t follow fads. She cries after reading books like Eleanor & Park. Her heart breaks for family members. Her fury ignites whenever anyone threatens harm against her kids. Forgiveness and grace bleed throughout her entire being—but she wrestles them frequently. She gets pissed. She gets tired. She gets lonely in a crowded room. She’s infected with a passion for writing and stung with compassion whenever she sees a crying woman. She loves.

And she’s now going to stop talking about herself in the third person.


8.0 out.

2 comments:

  1. This is so, so beautiful. Thank you for blogging, Wendy...congratulations on your 800th post!!! Looking forward to more than 800 more =) I absolutely love your blog and find it so inspiring.

    I see that problem all the time, with people thinking that they know others who they really don't. I see it most manifested in teens comparing themselves to others...when people just see a snippet of someone (a nice selfie, a college acceptance letter) and let that define their whole opinion of them. I completely see the problems of holding back, but I do really support this "new you" (which, I suppose, is really the old you...or, better put, the you that always has been).

    When I blog, I try to be as honest and candid as I can...it's so therapeutic in many ways, and hopefully, my experiences can help others.

    Congratulations again. Love being on this journey for you and thank you for all that you share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your encouragement means a lot to me, Anne Marie! I love your support and can totally relate with wanting my experiences to help others. Thanks for this uplifting comment!

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