Not long ago while conversing with a friend, she admitted to
feeling insecure about posting pictures
on her Facebook profile of her eldest
holding his musical instrument.
If you know me at all you can probably predict I responded
with a speedy, “Why?”
This friend shared how many of her friends only post sports
team photos and action game shots of their boys. After listening to her I said,
“But we’re not trying to raise cookie cutter kids, are we?”
So what if her oldest boy is into music? In fact, I think
that’s more than a little awesome.
Our conversation also made me think of my room as a
teenager. I’ll forever be grateful for the freedom my parents gave me to
decorate my room to my own style.
Picture: Collages covering every wall with a few posters of
adorable animals and one or two posters of River Phoenix and Johnny Depp for
good measure. On my ceiling I’d hung any rose anyone in our family of four
girls had ever been given. Looking back I can see how it was one creative
piecemealed mishmash. But it was “me.” It wasn’t the manicured Laura Ashley
décor that inhabited some of my friend's rooms. But I loved it.
I know my mom friend is agreement with me when it comes to the
importance of allowing our children to discover who they are. And because I
feel passionately about this I’m throwing out the following list as a reminder
to all of us parents…
Five Ways to Raise
Un-Cookie Cutter Children (raising our children free of the confines of the
cookie cutter mentality)
Identity Roots
More and more I’m beginning to experience the invaluable
benefits of teaching my girls who they are at their core—and how deeply they’re
loved from the second they enter this world. Loved from me and their father,
but more importantly from their heavenly father.
Strengths Stem
Encouraging your child to experiment with different
activities helps them to discern what truly excites them. Uplift their
strengths. Recognize them as such. Then appreciate and celebrate them.
Openness Blossom
Be open with your children about your own struggles with
comparison and jealousy (age appropriate). One of my daughters in particular
struggles with jealous feelings often and I can’t tell you how receptive she is
to my coaching her through this when I risk sharing time in my life I’ve felt
vulnerable to jealousy.
Growth
Remind yourself it’s not about you. I have an
eleven-year-old. I’m being reminded of this regularly. ;-)
When to Water
We’re wise to adjust our expectations when it comes to what
our kids will be interested in. Waterskiing might have been “your thing.” Your
kids might run kicking and screaming anytime they go near water. Hey, there’s
always the snow.
Do you ever struggle with feeling like you need to raise a
cookie cutter child?
photos by stock.XCHNG
photos by stock.XCHNG
Well, I don't really feel like I "need" to from a standpoint of wanting to fit in, but more because I AM SUCH A CONTROL-FREAK.
ReplyDeleteI have come to understand, love, and even appreciate the differences in my daughter from myself. She is definitely her own person. :)
I love how you wrote that you understand + love + appreciate the differences in your daughter. So cool!
DeleteI love this post, and I wish I could've seen your teenage room. :) Perhaps it's part of the homeschooling mentality, but I feel as if my kids are delightfully unique, quirky, free-to-be-me kind of kids. Of course, I see this more in the second one, my son, since the eldest is a 'color inside the lines' kind of girl.
ReplyDeleteIt matched my mind--my room. ;-)
DeleteHope your daughter colors orange (remembering orange table) inside those lines.
Brava, my friend, brava!
ReplyDeleteWe can load our kiddos down with so many do's and don't's that they got lost under it all. "They" get lost. We have to be willing to give our kiddos freedom to breathe -- to let them discover who they are. And to do they, we have to turn our backs on parental peer pressure and choose to love our kiddos and celebrate them, no matter what anyone else is going to think, say, or do.
Beth, thanks so much for your encouragement. It took me some time to really figure out who I was (think I'm still discovering on many levels) so I get what you're saying about giving them time. Parental peer pressure...I feel a post coming on. ;-)
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