Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We Danced at His Funeral


I haven’t written about this much. Some things are so heavy, they press in on the heart with such pressure, writing about them could incite an emotional combustion. Besides, I’m a mom and as all mothers know life doesn’t stop for me to feel. There are soccer games to attend, dinners to prepare and Peter Pan to read for the 100th time (which reminds me I need to check to see if my three-year-old still thinks Tinker Bell died on a cross like Jesus).

Anyway, you get my point. To remember, I mean really remember all that I endured two months ago carries the potential to unleash a firestorm of feelings. But when I do reflect upon my father’s death, having grieved the loss, I try to think of one image the most.

The dancing.

We had a brief meeting with the officiating pastor (one of my dad’s best friends) a few days before the memorial service. I really don’t think he had any idea of what he was in for collaborating with us. He slid a notepad across the table, on which he’d sketched a few ideas. That’s when me, my sisters and my mom whipped out Powerpoint and began our presentation of how we wanted things to go down. Well, not really. But us Paine women—no one could ever accuse us of not knowing what we want. We envisioned a video montage, we’d chosen people to speak, we had a poem we’d selected to read, and last but not least…we had the songs. (Here might be a good place to add that while my father had lung cancer, he’d received a good report from the oncologist the day before he fell and died of a stroke. We had little time to prepare. But like anything, we were up for the challenge.)

I cannot describe what it felt like to walk into a crowded room of people gathered to say good-bye to my father. Old business partners, neighbors, church members. Friends. Family. The messages of those who spoke were beautiful—messages about how my dad encouraged and stirred creativity. One speaker called him a one man tsunami. A video montage flashed on the screen. I read a poem my mother had written to him years earlier, appropriately titled The Dance, a metaphor for life.

And then came time for the end. My oldest sister introduced Life is a Highway. For years my dad informed us he wanted this song to be played at his funeral.

And play it we did.

Not only did we play the song…we danced to it. First our table—the immediate family rose to our feet. Then, slowly, table by table, every single person was on their feet.

Dancing.

A room full of Presbyterians (Presbyterians, mind you) clapping and dancing—dancing as we said good-bye.

Dancing at a funeral.

It’s the way he would have wanted it.

It’s the memory I hold onto.

43 comments:

  1. I am crying as I read this Wendy. Your dad is smiling (yes smiling)in heaven as you share this with others. I didn't realize the stroke came-- I thought it was the lung cancer. I am so sorry. But reading this about the kind of man he was and how he wanted to share his final memories makes me see what an awesome dad you had!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's so beautiful. I'm sorry though, for the pain, but glad you have that memory. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aw, Wendy I can just picture that in my mind. What a lovely memory. Makes me very emotional.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. Every bit of this, yes. Makes me think your dad and mine would get along very well.

    It was just Saturday for me, but it feels like weeks and weeks ago.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh wow! That's beautiful, Wendy! You brought tears to my eyes this morning! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful story, Wendy. This is the kind of situation that I think many people would like to do, to really give themselves over to a celebration of the life, but constraints hold them back. Kudos to you and your family for following your hearts.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dancing in celebration of a life, and in celebration of a life that moves from this world to heaven, is a beautiful, unselfish tribute. I've always admired the cultures that do celebrate death for they know in their deep places of the heart the soul is moving on to greater things God planned. I agree with Joanne: kudo to you and your family. And Tom Cochrane's Life is a Highway is a great song!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just coming back to say I'm here for you, too. Just an e-mail away.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Wendy, thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so glad you have a memory like that to hold onto.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi there Wendy. Just blogging around a bit and stumbled on your site. I'm sure writing about your father's funeral was a daunting task. What a beautiful memory though, all that dancing. I'm sure heaven was rejoicing!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That is so beautiful and I am sure he was dancing along with you. Your family has been in my thoughts.
    Blessings,
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wendy:
    You did a very sweet thing to honor your dad. My eyes moistened up as I read this tribute. It sounds like your dad was well loved.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This made me cry. Thank you for sharing, sweet Wendy!

    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  14. All I can say is that ROCKS! Having experienced this emotional roller coaster myself, there is nothing quite like honoring a parent in the way you know they would want it. I like to think my dad was grinning ear to ear watching us. I know yours was too.
    Dance away!
    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  15. Gorgeous! I'm glad you stood up and danced. I bet he's doing the same thing with Jesus right now. HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh, Wendy, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I cannot imagine how you could address it so beautifully. My husband and I were just talking last night about what we would want people to remember us for when we were gone. Your father sounds like he nailed it. What a beautiful memory and celebration of an obviously loved and vital man.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This made me cry. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. I'm so sorry for your loss, and thankful for your good memories.

    ReplyDelete
  18. That is so inspiring! I think your dad and my dad would have gotten along great! Thanks for opening up to us. And if you ever need a night to yourself to think, I'm sure Adam and I could watch the kiddos for you. We definitely don't mind!

    ReplyDelete
  19. What a moving post, Wendy. Thanks so much for sharing, even though it had to be tough to do so. I love that you danced in honor of your dad.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So beautiful, Wendy. And what a tribute to what sounds like a wonderful man/father. You even made me laugh with the whole "Presbyterians dancing" thing. You're amazing, mom to mom. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's wonderful Wendy. What a great memory to treasure along with all your other ones of your Dad. This made me cry, but that's not a bad thing.
    Hugs and blessings,
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  22. What a fantastic way to pay tribute to your dad. I want dancing at my funeral too.

    ReplyDelete
  23. A beautiful tribute.

    We're coming up on the first anniversary of my MIL's death, and to remember her, her daughter and I are planting her flowerbeds for her this Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Okay, Wendy, I'm crying now. That was a beautiful tribute to your father. I know how difficult these months have been, and I'm so glad you chose to share the bittersweet with us. You're a very special person.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is so beautiful, Wendy. What a perfect tribute to your father - a room full Presbyterians dancing to "Life is a Highway"!

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is wonderful. Your father must have been an amazing man. I certainly hope there is dancing at my funeral!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I know everyone has already said it but I just stumbled on your blog and I empathize so much. I know your pain, and the love you have for your father. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wow. What an incredible--and worthy--tribute!

    I'll never forget my friend laughing at his wife's funeral. Not because he was glad she was gone, but because something was actually funny. Laughing through tears. It was so vital.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh, Wendy. That's just beautiful! I know he was dancing in heaven with you! Blessings and ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your comments have blessed me. Thank you.
    ~ Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dancing!!! How wonderful. What a great way to celebrate a life! I am sorry for your loss though :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I am sorry to hear about your and your family's loss.

    This is a fantastic way to honor the memory of your father. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    Here's hoping each day it becomes a little easier.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You and your family are very special to celebrate with joy even in a moment of loss. Thank you for sharing this. Now I'm going to be singing all day. Blessed be your name/On a road marked with suffering/Though there's pain in the offering/Blessed be your name

    ReplyDelete
  34. Beautiful, Wendy.
    I always thought your dad was a neat guy. And now that I have daughters of my own, I surely can appreciate him even more.
    Let his memory live forever!

    ReplyDelete
  35. That was amazing! What a way to go out - not in tears, but dancing! And what a gift he gave you beforehand, so you knew exactly how appropriate it would be! Bless you in the grieving process. I'm actually teary as I write this. My mom died over ten years ago, but I'm not sure you ever get over that kind of a loss. Take each day at a time, your kids will definitely keep you grounded, mine were five and nine when Mom died and like you, I didn't stop too often to think about it. But I believe its important to share those feelings. Thank you for trusting us enough to let us into your heart today. Hugs and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh Wendy- I am so sorry for your loss and blessed by your perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  37. PS I sent you an email to the addy listed on this page - did you get it? If not, my email is cathwest@logic.bm Let me know and I'll send again if need be.

    ReplyDelete
  38. What a beautiful touching post! I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    May God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  39. You were celebrating your dad's life and honoring him. Blessings and hugs as you grieve. Hold tight to the memories. Let this loss bring you closer to the ones you love here on Earth.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad, Wendy. But oh, the joy and beauty in your goodbye ceremony. Dancing! That is amazing. You're right...you Paine women do it up right.
    Blessings and love to you and your family,
    Michelle

    ReplyDelete
  41. Wendy, thank you for sharing someting so beautiful and touching. I'm glad you have such a peaceful memory to hold on to. Your father is smiling on you!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Exams for Term-2, such as FA3, FA4, Assignments, and SA2, are taken after the second session of the course but before the yearly final public exams, which are taken after the whole syllabus has been covered. NCERT Term 2 Question Paper Class 7 to become familiar with the format or style of the exam's questions All topics and languages of the course will be covered in the NCERT STD-7 Term-2 Sample Paper 2023, which was created by council specialists.

    ReplyDelete

Taking Time

college applications                 homecoming                            flag football                basketball             SATs   ...