Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Keep Walking


This is not how I’m feeling right now, although this picture amuses me.
~~~
I’m taking more time to grieve the loss of my father. I’d love for someone to sit me down and tell me it gets easier. I’ve heard though, it’s not that it gets any easier; grief just evolves into something different. I hope to hand it to God whenever it threatens to overtake me.
~~~
I can’t find normal.
~~~
Routine is hiding.
~~~
And pain and loss stand before me in some sort of confusing staring contest.
~~~
I will keep walking ahead in this corn maze until I reach a clearing.

43 comments:

  1. Oh, Wendy. Were I beside you on the sofa or porch swing or restaurant booth, I'd look into your lovely, pain-filled eyes and say, "It DOES get easier, my darling. God's grace bounds into your heart when you least expect it, sometimes drying your tears, sometimes holding you and encouraging you to cry. You may feel alone, dry, empty. You are not. I have lost two dads--my funny and sweet natural Daddy to cirrosis of the liver when I was ten and my beloved step-dad to heart failure last year. Even though no one can know the exact pain you feel, we can walk with you through it, lifting you before the Father's throne of mercy. Give yourself time to heal. Don't rush and force your heart to embrace the dawn--let it come gently, with the soft peach glow of a new day. It will come. We are here to help you see it. We love you,dear Wendy. And I always hold this hope tightly--today may be the day my Jesus returns, and I know my Daddy and Dad will be waiting for me. I will jump into their arms, never to weep again."

    Hold Wendy today, Lord. Let her feel your presence and strength. Give her hope of a dance in her Daddy's arms again. Fill her heart with Your mighty peace, in Jesus' Name.

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  2. Hugs and blessings to you, Wendy. Will be praying for you and your family.

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  3. My mother died March 2008 after having had Alzheimer's for close to 18 years. Even though we were glad that she was no longer chained to her diseased body and was in heaven with Jesus, I still missed my mother.
    What I've learned is that I don't think that I will ever in this lifetime stop missing my mother or even stop grieving for her at times. But, the pain is less now than it was 1 year ago or even 2 years ago. One of the things that helped me in the beginning was to look through our photo albums and I picked out several pictures of her to display around my bedroom/bathroom/office area----it helped to see her photo near me. I've noticed though that I need that less and less as time has gone on. I care for my elderly dad full time and have since 2002 in his home. We are extremely close, I know that it will be difficult when he also goes home to be with the Lord. But, we have the promise that we will see each other again, as I will see mother again, and then there will never again be a tearful goodbye. Remain or abide in Jesus, in His Word and in constant prayer------He knows it is difficult to be us!
    Love you.

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  4. So sorry for your loss. My mom died in 2008 and knowing where she is comforts me.... knowing I will see her again. Hugs.

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  5. Keep Walking Wendy. As you are hiking in the valley, know that there are many helping to carry your backpack. Soon you will be back on the mountain, there you will share your story with fellow hikers. You are in my prayers.

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  6. Oh, friend--I am so sorry. I was dark last week so I didn't see your last post. I pray for comfort for you... that you will feel God's presence every moment.

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  7. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you mental hugs and comfort.

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  8. I'm so sorry Wendy. I missed your post last week and had no idea. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  9. Wendy it was good to hear from you this morning. I've been praying for you and wondering how you're holding up. I'll keep lifting you up from my little corner of cyberland. Blessings to you today.

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  10. I'm sorry I didn't realize you lost your father. I'm so thrilled for Christ's sacrifice at times like these. I'm comforted knowing I'll see my loved ones again and when I do it will be forever.

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  11. I'm thinking of you, Wendy. My pastor brought up something in Isa. 40:31 that I'd never noticed. He said we won't always be in a place in life to soar like an eagle but that we may just need God's help to keep from fainting. So I'm praying that you will continue to "walk and not faint" in the weeks to come.

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  12. I'm so sorry for your lose. I hope things get better.

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  13. Wendy, I am so sorry you are going through this time of grief. May God let you feel His powerful and comforting arms.
    You dear precious one.
    Patti
    www.pattilacy.com/blog

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  14. Wendy:
    I lost my dad in June, 2009. The day before we got word that my stepfather had died. Because of an estrangement between my mother and us, we chose not to attend sd's funeral. We got a phone call from the mortician that they had my dad's remains. They called on a Friday afternoon. The gentleman had to clear it with the courthouse before I could plan his funeral.
    Granger Westberg wrote a small book entitled "Good Grief". In it he explains the steps of the grief process. Experts in the field can't tell us in what order a person goes through these steps or how long a person stays in each one.
    Grief has been described as coming over us in waves. At some point in the process, the waves come with less and less frequency.
    But we won't forget the ones we lose. And when the grieving lets up we find ourselves somewhat different. We don't return to who we were before we suffered the loss.
    Praying for you.

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  15. This post is wrought with emotion. Hope you find that place soon. *hugs*

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  16. I'm so sorry, Wendy. I can't imagine how that feels. I'm with Katie - really wish I could give you a hug right now.

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  17. You've been in my prayers, dear. Remember that to keep walking you need not even have tear-filled eyes open. Just hold tightly to your Father's hand and allow Him to lead you through the valley.

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  18. I've been praying for you and thinking of you as I know your Dad lived nearby me.
    We lost a very close relative 4 years ago. The first year is so hard--you think about them every minute it seems. Then a day goes by and you realize you didn;t think about them and feel guilty. Then you find that it's ok and can finally think of them and smile.
    It's the way of grief. You will find your way with our Lord.

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  19. Wish I could help take away your pain. Praying for you.

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  20. Wendy, may God give you each day new hope, new mercies and an extra dose of comfort. Hugs and blessings**

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  21. I am so sorry to hear this. I have never walked in your shoes so I won't pretend to have any brilliant words. I simply ache that you are hurting and lift you before the Lord in prayer.

    A book I have given several friends and loved ones after the deaths of parents has been "Grieving the Loss of a Loved One" by Kathe Wunnenberg. I have been told by each that the book was a blessing and comfort to them so I wanted to mention it to you as well. I haven't used this title myself, but the same author wrote a similar devotional journal called "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" that was a great comfort as we walked through miscarriages.

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  22. praying for you Wendy...Stay strong. Sarah

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  23. Good to hear from you. Been thinking about you a lot.
    My father passed away in 1999 and I was devastated. I definitely remember going back to work a few weeks after the funeral and things looking different to me. My persepective on everything had changed.
    But it does get easier with time.
    Take care. (sending you a cyber-hug)

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  24. Hi Wendy, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your father. My heart and thoughts go out to you, thinking of you today. Much peace.

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  25. Hi Wendy, I've just found your blog and it's really wonderful. I don't have words to comfort you as I'm dealing with the illness of my 79-year-old father and can't imagine losing him. Please keep writing, and God's best to you!

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  26. My heart goes out to you, Wendy. Loss is painful. Time does bring healing, but the first year can be tough as you face each holiday and special day without your loved one. What helped after the loss of my beloved mother-in-law was to plan ways to mark the occasions, knowing those days could be extra challenging.

    I also found it helpful to give myself permission to grieve. It's a normal, healthy response to loss. When tears come, remember that Jesus wept.

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  27. Wendy, my heart and prayers are with you. May you be filled with memories and love, more than loss.

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  28. Wendy, don't think it strange if tears come when you hear a song or smell a food that reminds you of your father. Those things will happen and as time goes on they will bring joy.

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  29. So sorry to hear about your loss. I will pray for you. May God pour down His comfort and peace upon you and your family.

    Take care,
    Karen

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  30. Bless you. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

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  31. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour..............................................

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  32. My mother died a year ago. I still think about her daily. Something always triggers a tear or two, but I can honestly say I feel stronger today than I did a month ago. The pain will subside and you will remember the good moments with fondness. My prayers are with you, Wendy.Our love for our dear ones will conquer the void!

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  33. I know that darkness, friend, and I am so sorry you have to struggle with this loss. I remember a friend having the courage to say to me, "your dad is looking down on you right now,Tess...what are you doing with his legacy?"

    It was hard to hear, but it allowed a door to open in my heart. I went from mourning the loss to realizing that I had an angel. I'd talk to him openly, cry openly (that didn't go away so easily) but at least I had a small paradigm shift. I realized he wanted me to have joy, that it was okay. I realized he was watching me from Heaven, longing for me to find peace, as he had.

    okay, enough of me. but I sincerely hope you can find this same peace. Sending you many, many cyber hugs and a special prayer today.

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  34. (((HUG)))

    Sounds like what you need(ed).

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  35. Wendy, I am praying so hard for you. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I wish I had some words to comfort you. Please know I will continue to pray for you and your family. Love, Heather

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  36. Sending prayers to you and your family.

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  37. You're right where you need to be. Don't rush it. We're all here for you when you need us! {HUGS}

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  38. Wendy- So sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad. My Dad passed away 7 years ago, so I can relate. Although my Dad had a chronic illness much of my life, it was still so surreal when my Mom called and said he had passed away. The Lord gave me a couple verses that comforted me tremendously - Isaiah 26:3-4 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:"

    Praying for His comfort and peace to be real to you today! Know that I'm lifting you up in prayer! God bless you.

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  39. I'm so sorry Wendy. :-( I think it's wise to take time to grieve him.
    I'm praying for you in this sad time.

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  40. Wendy, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm lifting you in prayer--praying for God's warm gentle grip to carry you across this sad and lonely time.

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  41. So sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died a year and a half ago. My mom died when I was 30. I firmly believe that resting is the best thing you can do right now.

    I finally figured out that when I felt the worst I should take a nap. It let me sleep off some of the effects of those powerful emotions. But everyone is different.

    Of course, it will get better. Of course, it will. Till then, I'm wishing you comfort from the great Comforter.

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  42. Hi Wendy-
    I've been thinking so much about you.
    Yes, grief doesn't go away necessarily but it does get easier to bear. The intensity of the emotions will subside and your heart will feel less heavy. It does take time but it will get easier to manage.
    For me, the death of my Mom is the primary benchmark in my life, the before and after. The "normal" I experienced after her loss was different. As you know, your life is never the same, just different.
    Please know I am thinking of you and sending my love.
    xo

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