C.S. Lewis alludes to it in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Always winter, never Christmas.
A bundle of daffodils.
Have you ever felt that way? I had my own solemn season. Grief sprung to life in a deeply personal and painful way after someone close to me died. For about two months I walked through life in a daze, feeling the weight of both the wintery weather and the bleakness of the loss.
I had my husband, a caring church community, two sweet little daughters, thoughtful family members and a belief in an intimately loving God at the time, but I’d lie to you if I didn’t write that I felt utterly alone. Opening my eyelids in the morning took effort. The saying “face the day” took on a whole new meaning. Yet, I functioned. As many of you moms know, we serve through everything: sinus infections, vomiting and great sadness…our job doesn’t have a pause button.
Did I believe in the core of my being that hope still existed? Yes, but I couldn’t feel it, sense it, or remember what it smelled like. I had to trust it would survive, that I’d survive through a time that I even now, years later, find difficult to write about.
I bet you want to know what pulled me out of the darkness. Guess. I’m kidding. I’ll tell you.
A bundle of daffodils.
Certainly meals friends provided, meaningful phone calls, my husband’s hand squeezes and hugs from my girls lifted me daily, but I attest to this day it was the daffodils that flicked the lights back on. After one of our MOMS meetings, a friend from the group I led parked her car outside my home and had her young daughter come to my door clasping a handful of bright yellow daffodils. Wordless, she held them up for me to take as dimples appeared on her cheeks. I waved as my friend drove off with her daughter and brought the flowers into my home.
I’d survived the winter. I’d survived the loss and it took a bundle of daffodils to remind me that God was doing a new thing.
If you are currently in a solemn season I pray somehow and in some way you are shown the LIGHT of Christ.
It is also my hope that reading this serves as a powerful reminder that you never really know how God is using your small gestures and words.
*photos by flickr