I’ve spent the past few days a little heartsick after watching the 13 Reasons Why series on Netflix. No, more than a little heartsick. See, the thing is I have been wrestling with how much of a reaction to reveal, with how I want to respond and I still don’t think I’m ready to. Not yet. Not fully. Maybe never fully.
I watched it because two of my favorite people on this planet were interest in watching and knowing more. I knew what I was getting into. I read the book. I’d heard and read enough about the series.
I watched and endured flashbacks of so many moments in my childhood and teen years when I feared my sister would actually, this time, be successful in her attempt to take her life. I watched well aware of my own stubborn demons.
I watched and I came away feeling more things than I’m even able to put into words at this time.
I will. Someday.
And I have. With and for two of my favorite people on this planet. We’re talking about it.
And that, as with so many things for me in this life, is a start.
“This is motherhood for you,’ said my own mother. ‘Going through life with your heart outside your body.”