tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post7366710241996692792..comments2024-03-28T02:13:42.262-07:00Comments on Wendy Paine Miller: Sad People Don’t Always Act SadWendy Paine Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14123871938365782734noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-13962099440599833592011-02-22T08:06:48.326-08:002011-02-22T08:06:48.326-08:00Wendy, I like this memory too. It hurt to read it...Wendy, I like this memory too. It hurt to read it, but it was a "happy" hurt, not a sad hurt.Susan DiMickelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13376687779868147687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-91160615580077216132011-02-21T19:49:38.909-08:002011-02-21T19:49:38.909-08:00I saw a tv show this weekend where a character lau...I saw a tv show this weekend where a character laughed hysterically at bad news... and another character said it "relieved tension" even in the midst of grief. I've definitely seen that in my own life.Kristen Torres-Torohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15903038121623389560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-25016516977827860872011-02-21T19:35:39.831-08:002011-02-21T19:35:39.831-08:00It is amazing to me the emotions that surface when...It is amazing to me the emotions that surface when grieving a loved one. One episode that I'm not proud of, my late sister and I got the giggles at a great grandmother's funeral. It was over something completely stupid, I don't even remember what, but it was all we could do to be stoic and act like adults.<br /><br />Praying for you as you continue to work through the loss of your Dad. Appreciate this point too, and how we can apply it to our writing.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />KarenKaren Langehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18177923284595298347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-61046705117715827342011-02-21T18:58:57.638-08:002011-02-21T18:58:57.638-08:00Thank you for reminding me that we're human &a...Thank you for reminding me that we're human & that I'm not the only one who have lost someone special. We all have different reactions to the loss but the pain is still real.Ellie Kingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14711249217634726986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-45873378607796035292011-02-21T17:53:55.574-08:002011-02-21T17:53:55.574-08:00Wendy, great tip for writing! I needed that for my...Wendy, great tip for writing! I needed that for my character shaping. Oh, yes, we all hide-especially when young kids are around.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17012982939454873340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-75553599688088191372011-02-21T17:32:58.378-08:002011-02-21T17:32:58.378-08:00Hi Wendy -
I understand exactly what you describe...Hi Wendy -<br /><br />I understand exactly what you described. At one wake, I was looking for a name in my address book for a cousin. As I came upon my beloved grandmother's name (the deceased), I crossed it out. I think I shocked her.<br /><br />Grief wears a different face for each person. When my husband died, I cried so much that the blood vessels in my eyes burst. I looked like something out of a horror movie. At the viewing, I was calm and even sociable. That time, I scared my family.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />SusanSusan J. Reinhardthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07461276857852409546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-1523157023217841752011-02-21T17:32:15.312-08:002011-02-21T17:32:15.312-08:00That is a profound statement: Tears hide until the...That is a profound statement: Tears hide until they know it's safe to come out. I've experienced that with myself, my kids, and my piano students. It took a while, but now I realize that when they have a meltdown at my piano it's because they feel safe. What a gift that is to both of us.<br />Sorry about your dad.Mary Aalgaardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08051735579638637382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-6660633970156153802011-02-21T15:54:42.831-08:002011-02-21T15:54:42.831-08:00Thank you for sharing times when you or someone yo...Thank you for sharing times when you or someone you knew acted shall we say unusual. I appreciate your thoughts here, as always. I'm getting ready to spend time with a friend and I wish I had time to address each of your comments. I might try to tackle that tomorrow. Please know I read them and I'm grateful you took the time.<br />~ WendyWendy Paine Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15136235074351188350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-17623335024391676072011-02-21T13:47:30.664-08:002011-02-21T13:47:30.664-08:00You have a way with words, friend. I love the cont...You have a way with words, friend. I love the contradiction of emotions because you're right--it's so realistic. When I was younger, I couldn't understand why people were cracking jokes at my grandmother's funeral. This was the most tragic moment in my life. As I grew older, I understood people show their grief in different ways. I loved what you said about tears hide until they know it's safe to come out.Lisa Jordanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16334253815212707025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-6456053877977607212011-02-21T12:54:01.511-08:002011-02-21T12:54:01.511-08:00Wendy,
thanks for your honesty. I really needed t...Wendy,<br /><br />thanks for your honesty. I really needed to read this today since I'm in the middle of writing the saddest scene in my story, and I'm struggling with it. So, this is a good reminder.<br /><br />I love coming here every week. And I pray that God would continue to show you his grace in your new normal.Melanie N. Brasherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16911818530874840829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-51709957729396170012011-02-21T12:07:49.213-08:002011-02-21T12:07:49.213-08:00People definitely DO react differently. And not al...People definitely DO react differently. And not always in expected ways. However sometimes fiction has rules more stringent than reality. While we CAN have our characters do things unique or unexpected things we need to be careful about the potential for it to become unbelievable--even if it's realistic.<br /><br />Your story was so vivid. I wanted to just push you through the obstacles and get you to your dad. I'm glad you're finding your new normal.Wendy Delfossehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16614782334273299261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-49732963768715878172011-02-21T11:48:49.582-08:002011-02-21T11:48:49.582-08:00Yes. I can't remember the exact time, but yes,...Yes. I can't remember the exact time, but yes, I'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism but I know I've acted weird in certain stressful or sad situations. But it's something I never thought about as a writer. <br />Thank you for sharing that.<br />{{hugs}}Jennifer Shirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16970585847385511795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-5773848635433965892011-02-21T09:56:59.918-08:002011-02-21T09:56:59.918-08:00I could SO hear your voice in this post Wendy. It ...I could SO hear your voice in this post Wendy. It was like you were sitting next to me telling me the story. I can hear the accent and everything.<br /><br />Somehow, this post made me cry AND laugh out loud. You are awesome.<br /><br />And I'm writing some pretty intense scenes that involve death in my WIP, so I might have to whip out some Scarface.<br /><br />Love you, friend.Katie Gansherthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09150375338556869812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-67875839504332181302011-02-21T09:48:08.686-08:002011-02-21T09:48:08.686-08:00Thanks for another honest and very real post, Wend...Thanks for another honest and very real post, Wendy, one filled with truth and lotsa heart.<br /><br />I'm part of "The Club," as our hospice team called those of us who've witnessed the last days and death of a loved one up close and personal. I have vivid memories of the day the Lord took my beloved mother-in-law home. Each family member reacted differently. Plentiful tears (mine). Denial. Confusion. Action (me again).<br /><br />No one can prepare themselves for the experience or predict how they'll handle it. Those of us who are blessed to "be there" for another during or soon after such a time would do well to remember that the reactions and responses will vary greatly and that all of them are OK. There is no normal in the midst of a situation that is anything but normal for those of us who don't deal with death as part of our profession. Compassion is the key. We don't have to say much of anything. In fact, those who encouraged me to do the talking helped the most.Keli Gwynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13236868298400593688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-47747309363694102112011-02-21T09:12:59.639-08:002011-02-21T09:12:59.639-08:00Well written. I think what you did was all you cou...Well written. I think what you did was all you could do to get to your dad. People don't always understand why we do things, but sometimes it's all we have to grab onto.Tanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10518718614911804428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-65224834655156559902011-02-21T09:09:47.378-08:002011-02-21T09:09:47.378-08:00Wow, awesome post, Wendy. Such a hard time, but I ...Wow, awesome post, Wendy. Such a hard time, but I love the portrayal of how we respond in those moments.<br /><br />I see a lot of grieving people on my sister's floor since it's a cardiac ICU. If any of them are sarcastic to me, I'll remember to just smile, nod, and pretend like I didn't get it. :)Sarah Forgravehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09101753891967001104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-79984466942913022752011-02-21T08:59:28.027-08:002011-02-21T08:59:28.027-08:00Wendy,
You described this so well that I wanted t...Wendy,<br /><br />You described this so well that I wanted to push all those (well-meaning) people out of the way so you could get to your father.<br /><br />It's funny how the mind reacts. I don't even remember my last moments with my father. Maybe that's my mind's defense to help me remember him in healthier, happier times.<br /><br />I do remember the incident at work when I asked to take the day off to see him before he died. My boss said she hoped I wasn't planning on making a habit of it. I was so flabbergasted by her comment that my reply was, "I doubt my dad is going to make a habit out of dying."<br /><br />Prayers for you and your family.<br /><br />MaryMary Curryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04173540875518117671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-86046180154083732232011-02-21T07:24:47.128-08:002011-02-21T07:24:47.128-08:00I always think it's weird when relief shows up...I always think it's weird when relief shows up with grief. Makes me feel guilty. When my grandpa died, I was devastated---I loved him. I love him still. But he looked so terrible in his hospital bed. I knew he wasn't going to come back from that. Part of me was relieved when he passed. Same with my grandmother. The woman who died wasn't my grandmother---I'd lost her a couple years prior with surgery to remove a brain tumor. She wasn't the same afterward, and I hated pretending she was. Relief. Then guilt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-88153418265317066002011-02-21T06:54:11.857-08:002011-02-21T06:54:11.857-08:00I can see you rushing--heartbroken and scared--thr...I can see you rushing--heartbroken and scared--through the hospital only to be waylaid by the little old lady. I'm glad you aren't bitter about it. You handled it the only way you could, naturally.Jill Kemererhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07865493609868329393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-21875203505913433612011-02-21T06:52:39.583-08:002011-02-21T06:52:39.583-08:00I watched this in action when my MIL was battling ...I watched this in action when my MIL was battling terminal cancer. My SIL had easy tears, my husband stoicism, I went into action, wanting to DO something to keep busy. Some of my inlaws were in denial, thinking 'if I don't look at the monster, it's not there.' <br /><br />And over the last 20 months, the grieving/healing process has looked different for each of us as well.Erica Vetschhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08772984806574666959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-70240995466795523782011-02-21T06:36:56.375-08:002011-02-21T06:36:56.375-08:00Laughter and tears for me too! Oh Wendy- you have...Laughter and tears for me too! Oh Wendy- you have a funny brain- even if it was sub-conscious. Admire your strength and beauty even talking about the darkest moments.Jennie Allenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13915012788325421944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-33898027450485425962011-02-21T06:08:07.554-08:002011-02-21T06:08:07.554-08:00You always elicit some type of emotional response ...You always elicit some type of emotional response from me, today was laughter and tears. <br /><br />I'm the girl that hears about a fatal disease and makes a VERY inappropriate joke - like you.<br /><br />I once had to help dress a lady that had passed away and the entire time I had to bite my lip to stifle the laughter - nervous true, but laughter nonetheless. <br /><br />I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your mom is doing well.Bonnie R. Paulsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02099325696949990504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-44429460032404320642011-02-21T05:55:19.894-08:002011-02-21T05:55:19.894-08:00I appreciated your honesty with retelling this dif...I appreciated your honesty with retelling this difficult moment in your life. We never know how we will act in grief. I like your title as that is what bothers me the most. Sad people dont always act sad. I can relate so much.Terri Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07771622379178654235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-5016051696955719592011-02-21T05:12:27.282-08:002011-02-21T05:12:27.282-08:00Thank you Wendy for taking us in your through your...Thank you Wendy for taking us in your through your pain. My heart aches every time I imagine saying goodbye to one of my parents. I will be praying for you and your family in the days ahead.<br /><br />I'm such a weeper that I have a hard time to disguising my emotions. My mother says, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Good or bad- that's me.Tamika:https://www.blogger.com/profile/04874834971492028558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91619058872894494.post-83295638151735009662011-02-21T05:01:38.590-08:002011-02-21T05:01:38.590-08:00When anyone is throwing up I start to laugh at the...When anyone is throwing up I start to laugh at them and try to turn my head so they can't see. This includes my own children. Not comparable to your story, but it sounds like in that moment, somehow.... that was what you needed.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing. :O)Dianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07604687906788800639noreply@blogger.com